I yam what I yam

I passed a lovely afternoon hopping about art galleries, old bookstores, and the local market where today one of America’s oldest cooperative art galleries was featured. It was quite sublime- the beautiful yellow squash, fresh greens, gorgeous peaches, and art everywhere. A veritable feast for the eyes.

As  I wandered enjoying the art and chatting with the artists I heard the old familiar thoughts running through my head.  Good, great, beautiful, what? What, as in I know some really talented people who can do much better than that.What, as in $500.00? What, as in, wait a minute I think I painted that very picture in college.  And then WHY?

As in Why is that person standing there with a straight face selling that painting for $500.00?

Because she can.

Because he wants to.

Because she believes in herself.

Because he is an artist.

I’ve always craved a creative life. Very early on I dismissed any idea of myself as a visual artist-I can’t paint, I can’t draw, and I can’t throw pottery. (The latter is definitely true, I have the remnants of ceramics class to prove it.) The prior, maybe not so, but I told myself that.  So instead of creating I have satisfied myself with lusting over the art of others, and secretly harboring great jealousy that they have what I don’t.

Same with my words. I have written since I was small enough to hold a pencil. I have been paid throughout my life to write. Press releases, copy work, editorial columns, and the list goes on. However, and I am quick to point this out, I have never referred to myself as a writer. I write “on the side” , I write for fun, but I am not a writer.

Lately I am learning that the difference between  the artists at the market today and myself  isn’t talent, it’s willingness. Willingness to embrace what you are, or what you want to be, and to hell with everyone else. It’s a certain pride, or a self-confidence that I lack. I realized today that I have spent my entire life defining myself by what I am NOT and the result is a life tinged with regret, envy, bitterness, and a generalized pissy attitude.

I have accomplished some great things in my life. I am quite proud of my work, my career successes, my children, my parenting, and even my marriage-despite the end result. And yet I have lived with a self-imposed sense of  yeah but, the but being yeah but look at what I am not.

I’m not a writer

I’m not an artist

I’m not living here, there, or wherever,

I’m not in the house I love.

I’m not with the one I love.

I’m not skinny, fat, a red head, published, calm, patient, giving, understanding….blahblahblah.

My friend and college roomie Phaedra ( http://www.phaedramweldon.com/ )recently wrote that she never referred to herself as a writer until she had her book published, and even then still hesitated-thinking of it as a secondary career. Then, one day she realized and said to herself  “I am a writer”-telling us all that if you WRITE you are a WRITER. Embrace what you are and stop telling yourself  what you are not, she says.

I’ve rolled that around in my head a lot of late.

At 44 the time to insure that I don’t look back with regret on this go round in the world  is NOW.

Instead of bemoaning what I am not, as if I have no control over it, I want to learn to be who I want to be-without imposing whatever twisted logic of limitations I have in my head.

If  I want to write, then I will write.
Or paint, or cook (no, don’t want to do that) or be happier, or live differently-

then why not?

If I am not something I have no one to blame but myself.

Envying others and wondering how they do it gets me no where.

Just do it?
My answer has always been but…because…I’m not… I don’t…that’s against the rules…I don’t know how…what will someone think…I can’t….

whatever.

If I’m not,

it’s my own damn fault.

Fruit gone bad

He might want to consider looking at the families of those beaten or shot or detained,” Obama said. “That’s where Mr. Ahmadinejad and others need to answer their questions.”

That’s my President, speaking yesterday at the White House at a joint press conference with German Chancellor Angela Merkel.

I’ve been told that I’m comparing  apples and oranges, but it doesn’t feel that way to me. To hear President Obama use the words beaten and detained while pointing the finger feels like the height of hypocrisy.

I guess when we’re the ones beating and detaining it’s okay?

I don’t even have the energy to argue this anymore it’s so frustrating.

The supreme court and my momma

My mother always told us that if we got in trouble at school, a la a paddling, we should expect that upon return home we would get more of the same.  I don’t recall any of us getting paddled at school, and frankly only few times was corporal punishment meted out at home.  However, we got the point. We were expected to behave ourselves, especially at school. School was serious business.

On the other hand my mother also raised us to understand that we didn’t have to take shit off anyone. Okay, she didn’t put it like that. What she probably said was more along the lines of  I’m not afraid of any principal. We were taught to follow the rules and do what we were told-as long as it was within reason. As long as our personal rights and liberties weren’t violated.  That, my friends, was quite the  double edged sword.

 As you grow up you pass thru the phase of  preferring to get along without rocking the boat. At ten, twelve, thirteen, you don’t really want to be a rebel for the cause-at least if the cause is getting to sharpen your pencil or something else seemingly benign. Alas in a moment of weakness you’d forget and say something at the dinner table like I didn’t get to eat lunch because… or I didn’t get recess because….and the “because” was most certainly something that would get mom’s dander up.  Don’t get me wrong, she was never a mom like you see many times todays. She didn’t believe her children were darling little angels who did no wrong. The sun did not shine from our ass. Nonetheless, she was a fierce protector guarding against those who would try to wield their authority to a ridiculous extreme.

This often resulted in hearing the dreaded words :You go to school tomorrow and tell your teacher….whatever whatever. And then the even more dreadful words And if you don’t tell him/her you’ll get it from me when you get home. Variations on this theme were Tell him YOUR MOTHER SAID.  Woe was the teacher that had to hear those words, or those followed by Well, then, ma’am, uhm, I need to go call my mother please. (As we were instructed to do should teacher not fully understand and do whatever it is that needed to be done.)

As an adult I find that I am the exact same mother. I am trying to raise children who are respectful and well behaved individuals who understand the role of rules and authority in life. I’m also trying to raise children who understand that sometimes authority must be questioned, rules broken, and that NO ONE is going to mess with them. There are things that adults as authorities get to do, and well, things that they most decidedly do not.

Today the Supreme Court ruled that the search of a young students underwear was unconstitutional. The school was searching for ibuprofen which they believed had been distributed by the young lady to her friend. While I would be the first to tell my daughter that she is not to break the rule on carrying/distribution of meds, I will tell you this right now-had that been my child strip searched at school there wouldn’t be Supreme Court case on search and seizure, there’d be one big assault case because I would have kicked some principal’s ass.

The lone dissenting opinion from the court was written by Justic Clarence Thomas who said: “Judges are not qualified to second-guess the best manner for maintaining quiet and order in the school environment.”

I disagree with His Honor. First, judges -especially Supreme Court judges- are qualified to second guess everything. That’s their job. And second, this wasn’t about maintaining quiet and order, this case was about whether or not someone gets to search my 13 year old daughter’s underpants. 

And to that I say, hell no.

 

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/06/25/AR2009062501690.html

On the streets where we live

I’ve been following the news out of Iran rather intensely the past few days. I found  myself searching out information from as wide a variety of sources as possible, sorting through the reporting, the blogging, the “twittering”, in an effort to get some sort of grasp as to what we are witnessing. Is this a revolution occuring before our very eyes?  What are we to make of the violence? Is this what Tiananmen Square would have looked like had there been the 24/7 world wide focus afforded by the internet?

One of the most frequently mentioned sources of information is the website for Andrew Sullivan at The Atlantic. http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/ .  I read his site on a regular basis, so I found myself turning there for my news on Iran. What I quickly discovered is the more I read at this particular site, the more questions I had. Not, however, questions about what’s happening in Iran, but rather what is happening here in our own country.

With my questions has come a growing sense of discomfort with the way we, myself included, are acting about the activity in Iran. Mr. Sullivan’s site has, to me, a sense of the hysterical about it, and I don’t mean funny. He writes and posts with an almost frenzied sense of urgency. Mr. Sullivan has gone green. The words of the individual eyewitnesses, the people on the streets in Iran, are printed in green ink. The color green has become emblematic as a show of support for the individuals protesting in the streets of Iran, so much so that individual bloggers are covering their social media avatars with a green tint.  We are glued to his site, the news, the coverage, and we are writing and calling for SOLIDARITY with the protesters. And, just in case we don’t truly understand the severity, the urgency, the very seriousness of the situation, he posts a video of a young woman dying in the streets of Iran, and it becomes the video seen round the world, resulting in an almost frantic need to decry what is happening as WRONG WRONG WRONG.

Joining in the call is our own President. Mr. Obama made a statement that  NYT called his  “strongest to date on the post-election turmoil in Iran.( From the Times)  Mr Obama said that “each and every innocent life” lost would be mourned, he added:  “Suppressing ideas never succeeds in making them go away. The Iranian people will ultimately judge the actions of their own government. If the Iranian government seeks the respect of the international community, it must respect the dignity of its own people and govern through consent, not coercion.

And then President Obama went on to say (again from the NYT) “Martin Luther King once said: ‘The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.’ I believe that. The international community believes that. And right now, we are bearing witness to the Iranian peoples’ belief in that truth, and we will continue to bear witness.”

Reading this statement, reviewing  the reactions over the video, watching the fervor and outcry grow in this country, has me confused. It’s not that this isn’t significant, it’s not that we shouldn’t be paying attention, it’s not that our government shouldn’t be condemning the actions of the Iranian government, it’s just that, well, why this?

Why are we outraged over the death of this young lady in the streets of Iran, but not over the deaths of countless Americans and Iraqis in an unjust war started by our government.Why haven’t Americans taken to the streets to demand that our country cease the killing of our own citizens and those of Iraq? Why haven’t we turned our avatars red white or purple in protest that we are still there occupying another country without cause?

And what of  this respect from the international community of which Mr. Obama speaks? How can he, as our President, even dare to suggest that countries should conduct themselves in a manner worthy of international respect when he is the leader of a nation that sanctions torture-a violation of international law. Where is the outrage, the protest, the color -everything- green over the fact that our government has not only tortured prisoners, but also demonstrates no apparent intention of  prosecuting anyone involved in the criminal activity? Why haven’t the citizens of this nation taken to the streets in protest over the blood on our hands? Where’s the outcry over the images of waterboarding alongside as t hat for the young lady in Iran? Where is Mr. Obama’s respect for the words he quoted that the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.  Bends towards justice? If he truly believes that as he states, then he’s got a lot of work to do right here at home.

I know what’s happening in Iran is very serious and I don’t wish to downplay it, but I just wonder at our fascination with it. Is it because they are protesting against that which we believe is wrong? Is it that we support the idea of free elections, freedom of speech, democracy? (Things that honestly we don’t truly have here at home-ask anyone in Georgia about our modern day poll tax and then we can talk about free elections. Or how about freedom of speech in the Bush years?)  Is it that we abhor the violence we are witnessing? 

 All of these are legitimate concerns for the people of America, but in our frenzy to turn everything green in this moment let’s not forget the role our own government plays, regularly (and throughout history) in installing some of the most brutal regimes, and supporting them with our funds and our military might, whether overtly or covertly, until we no longer want to and then we support the faction calling for change and the overthrowing of the very government we created. Let’s not forget that while the human rights violations in Iran are reason for our outcry, our government is a loving ally of Saudi Arabia, a regime if you will, with one of the worse human rights records on the planet.  Yes, people are dying in the streets in Iran, as they are in Darfur, the  Sudan, Mexico, Iraq, and on and on around the globe and yet too often our government, our press, our citizenry looks the other way.

What I wish of myself, of all of us, is that the interest we have in the news from Iran, that the passion with which we support the “twittering” of the people on the streets there, the enthusiasm with which we go green, would translate into something bigger, into a revolution of our own.

I wish we would cover our avatars and say Hey, let’s get our own house in order.  I wish we would take to the streets on behalf of people who live in Iran, in other nations around the globe, and right here at home, who are dying because of the actions or inactions of their governments.

I wish that I didn’t think that all too soon the “new” will wear off and Mr. Sullivan, and the rest of us, will soon be back to black and white and news of things other than Iran.

 

 

 

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/06/21/world/middleeast/21iran.html?hp

Silence

1989

I was almost finished with graduate school, working  a part-time job that I loved, doing a full-time internship, commuting 3 hours to Athens for classes, and exhausted most of the time. Ex and I were dating full throttle yet still a year away from the end of grad school and med school and decisons about the future.  Life was busy and crazy and very very different than today. I was just me, doing my own thing, no spouse, no children, no one to worry about but mememememe.

A very self-absorbed world.

In 1989 there was no computer (for most), no Twitter, no Facebook, no e-mails and text messages, no constant communication with those you love or the opportunity to reach out and meet a world of strangers.  So the world, my world, lacked the narcissism of today-that look at me look at my life listen to me that happens because  of the web. 

In 1989 every one of us and the guy next door weren’t Tweeting what we had for breakfast. We weren’t constructing websites on which we could post witty commentary on the world, or our children, or our favorite song. We weren’t uploading digital images creating an instant slideshow of our daily lives for all to see. We didn’t feel the need to share our politics, our art, our anything,  instantly with everyone. As if, really, everyone should give a damn.

I imagine that had there been Twitter in 1989 my morning tweet  would look something like this:

Driving to Athens and counting the cows out here in the middle of nowhere.

And then, since I subscribe to a million and one news feeds this:

Student demonstrators gather in Tiananmen Square.

But there was no instant news then, and it would be the very end of my day and well into the days that would follow that the world would learn of the massacre that took place that day.

All in the name of democracy. Freedom. The things I take for granted most every day of my life.

Today is the 20th anniversary of the Tiananmen Square protests. It is being marked by the Chinese government with a blackout of “social media outlets” such as Twitter and Facebook.  In China today the government is preventing the flow of information in recognition of the power of the internet and the ability to communicate with the world.

That idea is humbling to me. I Twitter my daily nonsense, keeping a stream of consciousness journal for myself. I Facebook with my friends and family about everything and nothing. I read the websites of people who, like me, blather on and on about lots of nothingness and actually think someone should listen.  All the while forgetting that this “social media” can be, should be, and is ,to many around the world serious  business. It is a link to the outside, to places where freedom of speech and the right to gather and demonstrate are taken for granted. It is a medium for shining a light on all that is wrong on our planet, for garnering resources for change,

for shouting in the darkness.

There is no shouting today in China because the government says so.

Imagine that, just for a moment.

Today,

no Twitter, no Facebook, no MySpace, no rambling on as if what we have to say is important.

Imagine, for just a moment.

It makes me ashamed to consider  that I ever  think I have anything of value to say. Or that I should say it. Or that my right to do so is protected in this country.

20 years ago today my day to day life was a relatively silent one, unlike today when you know that  I got up at 5:42, that I had a poptart for  breakfast, that my baby is heading off to Paris.

20 years ago today students were dying in the streets.

And if they can’t be remembered today due to a government imposed silence,

then the least I can do is shut up.

Telling tales

If you are a parent you’ll recognize this one:

You aren’t in trouble for doing x,y,z. You are in trouble for lying to me about it.

For a myriad of different reasons we utter these words to our children, with a straight face , while they stare back at us as if we’ve grown a second head. They’re thinking Yeah, right. Like I was going to confess to writing my name in red sharpie on the carpet? I was hedging my bets that you wouldn’t notice.

Trying to instill honesty in children is tough. It requires that we be honest in our own lives for starters. It means we have to explain all the subtleties about lying, the shades of truth, and the ever difficult concept of  little “white” lies. We must articulate the challenges of telling the truth versus sparing someone’s feelings, and on and on with the ethical conundrums.

But in the end, no matter how we do it, over and over and over and over we drill into their little heads that it is always better to tell the truth and face the consequences than to make matters worse by lying about something.

Here’s wishing Mother Cheney had drilled that one home. Perhaps, maybe, wishfully thinking, we could have avoided an unnecessary, immoral war, saving thousands upon thousands of lives.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/06/01/cheney.speech/index.html

And now, for the consequences…

There will be consequences won’t there? After all,

that ’s what I tell my girls.

If not for the behavior,

for lying about it.

Life in an instant

Some of the best memories of my life are captured on Polaroid film. My absolute favorite photo of my eldest daughter is a Polaroid that hangs on the bulletin board in my bedroom. 

I still have my Polaroid camera and pull it out for semi-regular use. Nothing about digital beats the sound a polaroid camera makes as it flashes and spits out the picture. And the waiting, that’s even better.

The Polaroid company stopped making the film a while back. The instamatic will die  making way for the “better” the “faster” digital, photoshop, adobe world of photography.

I will miss it. Just like I miss my  typewriter.

Well, not quite that much.

www.polanoid.net

And tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow

Another new header from my now, not so recent, trip. That’s the sign for the Paris subway system. I love subways. Aside from the idea that you can hop on the train and go anywhere, I find I like the sounds of the stations most of all. If you find me in a subway station you will see that I am smiling. I should live where there are trains. I don’t right now, but  I will again, someday.

Which brings me to another lesson that I am trying to pound in to my head:

  It’s okay sometimes to NOT live in the moment. It’s okay to dream about SOMEDAY.

Yes, I am aware that this completely contradicts my earlier ranting about paying attention  and living in the moment lest life fly by-but sometimes you need it to do just that, fly by that is.

Yesterday was one of those days. It was a horrible awful cry- for- no- reason -for- lots- of- reasons- bad -mood -woe -is- me -pity- party of a day. I woke in a bad mood. My mood went down hill and continued full speed ahead. 

Here are just a few of the reasons why:

- Yesterday would have been my 19th wedding anniversary. Oddly, I forgot. Not that I forgot the 26th is my wedding anniversary, but forgot that it was the 26th of May. Then upon remembering I had a moment of melancholy. Really only a moment, but a moment of dark mood to add to the day.

- I had to parent-some serious we- have -to -talk -about- this – and I’m putting  my mommy foot down hard kind of parenting. Anyone with children knows those moments are tough. That’s why they call it tough love I guess.

- I had to shop. I hate shopping. I especially hate shopping for myself. If I were a wealthy woman I’d have someone shop for me, a personal shopper who would then deposit my clothes in the closet complete with garanimal like labels so I could dress with ease in the morning.

- I was angry and disappointed and heartbroken at the hands of someone who promised not to break my heart.

-I was tired. The almost-the- last -day- of -school tired.

Add all that to the mix and you have a normal grouchy bad mood kind of day.

Now, throw in a dash of existential despair and you have yesterday.

You know how that looks:

Is this my life?
Is this who I am?

What have I accomplished with my 44 years? I will never be the Poet Laureate. I will never love again. How did I get so oooooooold? Why do  I live in this town? Am I going to screw up my children forever and will they require years of therapy to recover? Will it ever stop raining? I’m officially too old to be Miss America, a White House fellow, or lots of other things. I will most certainy never make an Olympic team.  I am the worlds laziest woman. I have so much and there are people dying in the world for want of everything. I am doing nothing about those people. What happened to my career? What happened to my body? Is this all there is? I guess I’ll never be one of  Time Magazines 100 Most Influential People….and on and on and on.

So when the lets-bemoan-everything phase kicked in I reached across the ocean to see if my dear cohort in life could help.
No luck there. Guess who else was having an existential moment?

Okay  add to my list his questions of  how did we get here? where did our youthful exuberance wander off too? Am I too old for love? What is love exactly?  Why can’t I write like that? Is there any hope? and on and on and on.

Make that a bad day for two please. 

Yesterday was a bad day.

Yesterday was a day when living in the moment was unbearable.

Yesterday life couldn’t pass me by fast enough.

Then

after a bitterly fought battle with insomnia, I woke  to a new day. 

A rainy one at that. (I love rainy days)

 

Much of yesterday still lingers in the back of my mind, and I have to go shopping again

BUT

Yesterday is over now and it’s time to dust off the seat of my pants and try again.

And that’s a good thing.

There will be lots of yesterdays over the course of life.

But there will also be todays.

And tomorrows.

And somedays.

And my someday will include

a train.

I just know it.

Standing at the corner.

The newest header was also taken during my recent adventure to London. It is an illustration for the second life lesson I learned while wandering about on my own over there.

They drive on the other side of the road in England. I won’t say right side or wrong side-just a different side from the rest of the world. Needless to say that poses a great hazard to pedestrians. One misstep and you’re road kill. Fortunately, painted at the curb, is this gentle and polite reminder of what to do. You should either LOOK LEFT or LOOK RIGHT. Now it might seem such a silly thing to have to be told which way to look, but I assure you-it saved my life on a number of occasions.

 I did come perilously close  one day to being an ink blot in the middle of the road by stepping out in front a big red bus whizzing by. Not because I didn’t look in the correct direction, but because I didn’t look at all. No amount of painting on the road can prevent that.

So here’s my point. Sometimes in life we need to look where we are going.  If you aren’t  paying attention you might just find yourself flat under the bus. For me paying attention is hard to do sometimes. The day-to-day’s of life can often create havoc. Carpools, swim meets, grocery shopping, errands, lessons, work, laundry onandonandonandonandon. Then you blink and you’ve missed out.

How many of us have said I can’t believe how fast the kids are growing?  Yep, they do that when we aren’t looking.  Or maybe, I didn’t know he/she was so unhappy? Or having an affair? Or how  I’ve grown old in this job/town/home/relationship that makes me unhappy?  Or why did I leave the job/home/town/relationship because it was what someone else wanted not me?

We know all the cliches about paying attention before life passes by. But I think it’s about more than paying attention-I think it’s about looking ahead and thinking about which way to go. Left? Right?  What do you want life to look like next week/month/year/ten years? Are you doing something to get you there? Do you need to make a left turn now in order to set off  in the correct direction?  It means asking the tough questions and being still to hear the answers.

It has been a long time since I stopped to look ahead. For most of my adult life I was following without really looking. Ex’s educational and career choices dictated much of my movement. Then and now parenting responsibilities determine many things. But…here’s the kicker:

I’m not married anymore.

The kids are growing up.

I can’t use ex, or the  children, or anything as my excuse.

If I don’t look ahead now at some point in the future  I will look back at this time of great opportunity and think
Damn, I wasted it.

So if you see me staring at the curb and you wonder what’s up-

don’t worry it’s just me thinking

left

or

right?

Love is patient, Trekkies are not.

I’m thinking about my roomie today. My roomie and  Captain Kirk that is.

ASIDE: My college roomie, Phaedra Weldon,  the writer (http://phaedraweldon.wordpress.com/). Author of the Zoe trilogy I call it sci-fi she says it’s NOT. What do I know I’m just bragging on her here.

Anyway, there’s a new Star Trek movie out. It’s garnering good reviews as a stand alone movie-meaning non-trekkies will enjoy it too.

I am a non-trekkie. Phaedra, god love her, was and is a trekkie. BIG. Writes  and has published Star Trek stories, knows everything there is to know about the whole Starship world, has probably been beamed up.

And we were roomates.

Back in the 80’s some Star Trek motion picture came out. I don’t remember which one. Phaedra wanted to go see it. They showed movies in the biology lecture hall on campus every weekend. She wanted to go and I followed along with her. It might have been a double date (Herb…where is Herb now?) but I’m not sure. Those details are long forgotten. What has not been forgotten, is, well, my ignorance, and my roomies….shall we say temper.

Setting the scene for you:

Phaedra: GIANT TREK NUT.

Me: Complete Trek idiot. I knew nothing. Nada. Zilch. I had never watched Star Trek the television series. I didn’t like the beginning-the whole “Captains Log…” and the annoying theme music. So I’d never tuned in.

Cue the movie.

Who’s that?

What’s that?

Is that Spock?

Which one is Captain Kirk?

Where are they going?

What are they doing?

Why is he doing that?

Onandonandonandonandonandonandonandonandonandonandonandonandon.

In my defense, they were all perfectly legit questions. I had never seen Star Trek how was I supposed to know why his ears were pointy?

Suddenly, in the darkness of the biology hall, my mild manner, rosey cheeked, darling of a red head roomie turned into Beelzebub.

WILL YOU SHUT UP NOW!?!!

OR ELSE.

Stunned, I am sure I looked like a little Bambi in the headlights.

What’s wrong, I whispered.

IF YOU ASK ANOTHER QUESTION I WILL KILL YOU I SWEAR I WILL.

It was like Gidget became Cujo the rabid dog. I was scared.

Okay, I whispered.

So I sat quietly for the remainder of the movie and, eventually, figured things out well enough to enjoy it.

Over the years I have watched many of the  Trek motion pictures. Still haven’t seen a tv episode in it entirety,but I do know who’s who. (I think Spock is the hottie).  So I’m thinking I might get around to seeing the new one.

I’m going to ask my roomie if she’d like to go with me.

I’ll be good. I promise I will.

I don’t own a GPS.

 The new header is a photo taken during my recent adventure to London.  I took it on my  first day and it reminds me of a very important life lesson or two that I learned on the trip-the first of which is:

 Getting lost is okay.

I got lost a lot on that trip. My sense of direction is horrid and my map reading skills more so. I have always delegated the task of pointing me to the right path to my travel companions. No such luck this time.

I always knew where I was going, but generally found that I circumnavigated my destination for at least an hour before arriving.  Usually getting lost bothers me, even though it is common place in my life. This time, it didn’t. I was all alone on the trip so there was no one to  be aggravated or inconvenienced by meandering ways. In fact, no one even knew that I was on a northbound trek to get to the southside of London. The way I figured it I could wander for  days and as long as I made it back to the hotel in time to pack for the return flight home I was no worse for the wear. That was a very liberating feeling my friends.

I spent virtually all of day one lost. It was fantastic. I saw side streets and back alleys and parts of London that, well, I couldn’t tell you where they were. Eventually I ended up at London Bridge and then I knew which was was up. Just before that though I turned a corner and ended up in an alley filled with locals all sitting and eating lunch crowded on the grounds of a small ancient church.  There was a long line circling around to buy food at an outdoor grill. As my continental breakfast had  long since  left me and the aroma coming from the food was heavenly, I got in line, or on line as they say there.

I have no idea what I ate for lunch that day. It was some sort of beef sandwich covered in onions and peppers and unknown sauces. I ate it sitting on the ground, clueless as to my whereabouts, blissfully happy. It was the best meal of my life.

Had I been following the map I’d have never found that little alley and experienced that meal.

Now that I’m home I think about that a lot-getting lost and discovering wonderful things around the corner. I had a professor tell me once “it is in getting lost that we find where we are going.”

I think I need to get lost more often.

 

 

Saying I Do in California

As as child I heard this expression tossed  about a lot : That sounds like the pot calling the kettle black.

Or another variation: Those who live in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

Someone needs to tell a certain Miss USA wannabe that she needs to put down  the rock.

Miss Calfornia is on a campaign to “protect marriage”-and you know from what.

Gay Marriage.

Lest I begin to foam at the mouth about this one I will limit myself to a few words.

Before she commences on her  campaign to protect marriage as the “sacred institution between man and woman” I’d like to ask Miss California, and others like her, to think about protecting marriage from, well

heterosexuals.

The current divorce statistics for this country are  depressing. The average length of an American first marriage hovers somewhere around five years. Five years.  So what exactly is Miss California protecting, the right for men and women to marry and stay married barely long enough to crank out the thank you notes?

As someone who was married three times longer than the national average, to, as Miss California would say, an “opposite sex person”, I will tell you this. My marriage didn’t need protecting from gay men and women.

My marriage needed protecting from my ex and a very decidedly heterosexual chickie (who incidentally was also in an opposite sex marriage herself.)

And, in the interest of fairness and ex who always wants “his side of the story” out there:

from myself.

Miss California and all of us opposite sex folks should leave the gay and lesbian people alone.

They aren’t the problem.

We are. 

 

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/30495215#30495215

It seems simple enough to me.

Some would say the hardest part of being a parent is teaching  children right from wrong. I’d say the hardest part is showing your children right from wrong. It is my job to follow the rules, and I do. The “little” ones mostly-because that’ s what I have a chance to do right before their  eyes everyday. I don’t turn right on red if the sign says not too. I wait my turn in line. I don’t steal. I don’t cheat on my taxes. I try realllllly hard not to lie, or badmouth others, or gossip, or ….well the list of things I am trying very very hard at is very very long. My children and I talk a lot about right and wrong and hopefully some of  the talk and some of the walk is sinking in.

Lately though I find my stomach in knots as I struggle with the idea that some folks don’t get right and wrong. Or maybe I’m just way out in left field about things. This  torture stuff  has me really really bothered.

Here’s what I don’t understand:

- Why are you calling it “enhanced interrogation”? To make it sound better or because you truly believe that despite the historical agreement over what constitutes torture, maybe it isn’t torture because we’re the ones doing it?

- President Obama says we (the government, the country, his administration) isn’t about looking back it’s about looking forward. Okay. I’ll agree with that. But how can we look forward with any sense of decency, pride, optimism about our country, if we don’t take the time to learn from our mistakes, correct our misdeeds, and distinguish what is right from wrong?

- The democrats, the republicans, the President, the pundits, all say that we can’t appear to be seeking “retribution”-so we are just going to “move on.” But why is it retribution to punish someone for a wrong doing? If my children lie to me, smack each other up the side of the head, or lock the cat in the closet to play policeman/prisoner, they have done something wrong. If they are given consequences for their actions is it me seeking retribution? How can I teach my children about the law of the land if they see that the law only applies to some people-namely those not in power?

- How can it be that we have a loooooong history of courtmartialing soldiers (AMERICAN SOLDIERS) for waterboarding in other wars (and supporting the international prosecution of soldiers from other nations)  but suddenly find it okay?

- Why is everyone screaming that the administration did a horrible thing in releasing the torture memos? Yeah yeah yeah secrecy and national security-I get it. But perhaps if we hadn’t tortured in the first place there wouldn’t BE any memos and thus no “threats to national security”.

- And so what if it “worked”? (Though all evidence is to the contrary. ) I can’t even begin to figure out how I’d explain that to my children. Well, you see, it’s okay to do something really horrible if you, well, you get what you want by doing it.

- Why are we talking about not prosecuting the soldiers who were “just carrying out orders”? I say YOU SHOULD  HAVE KNOWN BETTER. Where is your moral compass? There’s following orders, obeying grown-ups, having respect for authority-and then there’s knowing when it is your personal moral and legal and ethical responsibility to say NO. I hope to god my girls will know that there are some things you just don’t do-ever. No matter who’s the boss.

I say prosecute every last one of them. Start at the top and work your way all the way down.
We have national laws and international laws that say WE DON’T TORTURE.  Not, we don’t torture unless we feel like it, if it’s a means to an end, we are torturing the really bad guys,- whatever the rationale. We don’t torture-period.

And then, after we’ve locked them all away-if we  decide that we do in fact want to be a nation of torturers, then understand this-If you want us to be able to torture the bad guys in the name of national security, then you MUST be willing to have Americans and American soldiers tortured also. If we can do it, so can every other nation on earth.

So no one is safe. Not the “good guys” or the “bad guys.”

Sometimes in life things really are black and white, right or wrong.

This is one of them.

 

Arrival.

I have a few recurring dreams that crop up during my slumber from time to time. From what I understand most of us do.

I have one in which I am spitting all my teeth from my mouth. Analyze that Cosmo guide to dream analysis. (Debra swears by it.)

I have variations on the one in which I am back on campus at Georgia Southern for one reason or the other-usually going back to school-and I’m almost always lost-looking for the bookstore.

And the standard anxiety dream-I have math class that I haven’t attended all year and it’s time for the final. Always a math class-go figure.

Then there’s the Europe dream. In it I am “in Europe.” It’s that vague-don’t know where, or how, or any details, it’s just an awareness of my “thereness” shall we say.  And, I am crying. Happy tears mind you, but crying like a baby.

So far in life I’ve yet to spit out all my teeth and the only math anxiety I have now is over my daughter’s algebra homework, so those are still relegated to my dreams. But-I did make it to Europe.

I finally got there and just like in my dream, I cried. A lot.
Not blubbering, red eyes, who-is-that-crazy-crying-tourist kind of crying, rather the kind that comes when you are happy and you have a big dumb grin on your face while you think I can’t believe this.

In the interest of full disclosure:

-I cried on the plane ride over. Looking out the window thinking I can’t believe this.

-I cried in the airport-again thinking I can’t  believe this.

-While wandering lost around London. While staring at paintings at the Tate Modern. While eating fish and chips alone in a pub. While watching Avenue Q, while sitting in a courtyard surrounded by locals and eating something I couldn’t identify,in the Eurostar station leaving for Paris, when I saw my friend Edmunds waiting at the train station, when I saw the Eiffel Tower by night, when I tasted that first pastry, when I looked out the balcony of my hotel, standing outside the Louvre, when the train left Paris and I said goodbye to Edmunds, and when my plane took off for home.

All tears accompanied by the dumb grin  you get when your find you are doing something  you’ve always wanted to do but you can’t believe you are finally doing it.

AND

I cried at THE SWING.  (http://tammyr2.wordpress.com/2009/03/19/packing-finally/ )

Immediately after settling into my hotel room The Wallace Collection was my very first destination. It was less than five blocks from my hotel-give or take -without getting lost. I walked fast and truly turned a corner and there it was. I went straight in and found myself in the most wonderful house-filled with art work. Floor to ceiling, every nook and cranny. So I asked the nice gentleman at the door-Can you point me to The Swing? And he did. Of course, I retained nothing that he said past up the stairs.

First floor. Big room. Scanning in the room (as if I’d see it in the middle of all that art). More rooms more rooms more stairs. Ask another gentleman. More rooms and more rooms. In each room I’m looking and scanning and I’m pretty sure mumbling to myself. No doubt any security video of me that day would resemble a frantic mother looking for a lost child in a grocery store, or a slightly deranged person who should be avoided.

Ask again, keep walking more rooms and rooms and rooms and then-

in the second to the last room on the very top floor- there it was.

The Swing. Just hanging there with all the other beautiful paintings, like it’s no big deal at all.  And it looked, well, exactly like all the pictures I’d memorized of it over the years.

And I stood there. For a long time. I just took it in and lived in the moment. And the longer I stood the  bigger I grinned I’m sure, and the nice security guard didn’t act like that was odd in the least. Then I walked around the room and enjoyed the rest of it, and then back to The Swing to examine it from all different angles.

Then I left and enjoyed the rest of the museum.

And for the remainder of my stay in London I didn’t go back.
I saw it. I loved it. I savored the moment, and that was that.

It was everything I thought it would be, or at least everything my 15 year old self thought it would be. It is a very beautiful painting, but in all honesty it isn’t reflective of my current tastes in art.  But it is still mine. Still a piece of my history and still well worth the trip.

So  I wonder, now that I’ve been there will I continue to have that dream? Or  now that I’ve lived it will something else take up residence in  that corner of my psyche?

I am here to tell you it was great to be 44  and making a  dream come true.

I highly recommend it.

It’s never too late.

We are never too old

To dream.

To live.

Let’s talk about Love.

I once thought I knew about love.
I’d loved family members, boyfriends (though not many of those ranked the L word), a spouse, and children. I’d loved friends, colleagues and even in some measure the clients and especially the children I worked with on a daily basis. I’d even go so far as to say I loved my dog Sparky.

Then I learned in one fell swoop that I didn’t know nothing about nothing about love. That happened when my ex told me he was having an affair. When he told me he was depressed, miserable, and hated his life. When he said he wanted to die, and meant it.  When he trampled all over everything I believed I knew about love, ripped my heart out, spat on it, and then turned around asked for help, for support, for love and I gave it to him and in many odd ways I still do.  I learned that love, real love, is painful,  and difficult, and often requires an unselfishness that I do not have-that few of us ever have- until we have to dig deep and find it.

I learned about love when my family fell apart, when life as I knew it crashed to an end- because I am a mommy. I never knew just how much I could love my children, or what I would be willing to do, put up with, try, or live through for them. Oh you think you know when you give birth, or when you cry as they toddle off to school for the first time without you, but you don’t. You don’t know what it means to love your children until you know that you’d do anything, absolutely anything for them, including live in misery. Including, live without love. And you do it and then you don’t, because you want them to know love not the absence of it.

I learned about love when my world fell apart and the people that I thought loved me turned and ran and those that I knew loved me didn’t. My parents, my sister, my girlfriends. The people that never refused a phone call, or a visit, or a kleenex when I needed to sob my heart out. The people that questioned my choices, waited patiently for me, and in the end made it perfectly clear that no matter what they were Team Tammy. Not team-well we’ve always been both your friends, or well he’s our brother -in – law too you know, just Team Tammy. Unwavering love -they gave it without being asked , they chose when I told them I didn’t  want them too-and I meant it, but that didn’t matter, they chose.

I learned about love when, after 19 years had passed, I visited a man I truly loved for years, who I called my very best friend in the world, and after a 19 year absence he was still there like no time at all had passed. Willing to tell me the truth, to listen to the truth, and to laugh and talkandtalkandtalk. I learned about love because I still love him, still think he’s the best friend in the world, and still hope with all my heart that he will find Love-the BIG L kind.

I have known a lot of love in my life. I am a very lucky person, and I’m not even talking about Love - big “L”-the romance, the hearts, the flowers, the phone calls,and the kisses.

Just the joy of loving and being loved.

You all know who you are- I hope.

So here’s my contribution.

I love you.      

 http://www.obsessedwithconformity.com/obsessed_with_conformity/2009/03/in-the-name-of-love.html

Packing. Finally.

I fell in love when I was fifteen years old.

I remember the day as if it were yesterday.  It happened in my tenth grade French class. (Yes, I took French for all the silly, romantic, girlie reasons  http://tammyr2.wordpress.com/2008/04/16/mom-the-eiffel-tower-and-the-kiss-im-waiting-for/ )

My French teacher was Madam Harbin, and our french text was bright yellow.  One day I was turning the pages of this bright yellow book when I saw it- the most  beautiful picture I’d ever seen in my life. I swear I held my breath as my heart beat the faster. The greens were rich and luscious, the pinks leapt from the page, and the entirety of the work grabbed me by the neck and wouldn’t let go. It was simply gorgeous.

The tiny, tiny print at the bottom of the page said only The Wallace  Collection.

At that moment I began my mission-I would find that painting. I would have that painting.

Now this was way back in time-as my daughters like to say-in the dark ages. There were no computers, no internet, no GOOGLING for the answers. This was a time when the word research really meant something. I wanted to know, and so I had to hunt.

Step 1: To the school library.

 First stop: Card catalog. (You remember those-the big cabinets with drawers full of cards listing all the items held by the library)

No luck.

Second stop: Guide to the Periodicals. (The big, green books with  the tissue thin pages that listed all the magazine and journal articles written on any given subject)

No luck.

Third stop: Encyclopedia. (Brittanica. Volumes and volumes. Think Google- in hard cover)

BINGO!

There in the middle of the encyclopedia entry was my picture. The Swing, by H. Fragonard, at home in The Wallace Collection in  London, England.

So armed with this information the next leg of the journey began. (Again, without the internet or e-mail.)

Fourth stop: Post office.

I secured the address for the Wallace Collection and drafted a letter-yes a real handwritten letter. Then I convinced my mother to drive me to the post-office so I could send it airmail to London.

And then I waited. And waited. And waited.
Months later from across the sea came a reply-in a little brown air mail envelope.

Yes, The Swing is housed at the  Wallace Collection and yes, prints are available for purchase.

Fifth stop:  The bank

After nagging my mother for a few days to drive me there, I purchased a pounds-sterling check made payable to the Wallace Collection.

Then, back to the post office and the whole thing begins again.

 I waited, and waited, and waited.

Then, the post man arrived  with a TUBE!  Rolled up in the tube was-

The wrong print.

That’s when I learned that there are two versions of The Swing-or rather two different perspectives of the same scene.

For the sake of time I shall say: Rinse and repeat.

Back to the bank, back to the post office, and more waiting.

In total I waited a year. An entire year before my print of  The Swing arrived in the mail, and when it did I found it just as lovely as the photo in the French book.

My mother had it framed for me and The Swing became a permanent fixture of my bedroom, then my dorm room, then my college apartment, then my own apartment, and every home ex and I owned.  Later my friend Bob traveled to London and returned bearing the motherlode of gifts. The Swing postcards, The Swing coasters, The Swing souvenir book and another print.

The new print was matted and framed in a more professional manner and the original retired to storage.

Today The Swing, the object of my fifteen year old love, hangs in my dining room.

Now 44-

and on Friday, almost thirty years after I plodded off to the school library in search of answers,

I am going to London.

Why it has taken me so long to get there is another story all together, and frankly it doesn’t even matter now.

I am going to London.

Just me.

Non-stop all night Friday arriving Saturday morning where I will stay in a nice, affordable, B&B that is

LESS THAN A MILE from-that’s right

The  Wallace Collection.

I am so excited I can’t stand myself.

I cry just thinking about it.

I will, most certainly, cry when I get there.

I hope there’s a place to sit down.

I’m planning to hang around and gaze for a while.

http://www.wallacecollection.org/

http://www.wallacecollection.org/collections/gallery/artwork/133

Millicent is her middle name?

 

 

I was a Barbie girl.
I have absolutely no qualms in admitting that.

Now I know that over the years Barbie has taken a beating. Feminists, critics, and child psychiatrists alike, often denounce her as Public Enemy #1. They worry that her body type gives girls unrealistic expectations, that she teaches girls to rely on  looks and  fashion sense rather than  brains, or that  she objectifies women.

Well I say hooey on that.

Aside from the fact that she is cursed to spend her life in high heel shoes, I think Barbie is just wonderful.

Now I came of age with what I call the real Barbie. Malibu Barbie circ 1971. She was a simple doll, she came with a  bathing suit, a towel, and sunglasses perched upon her head. She was perfectly tan (long before we knew about suntans and skin cancer) blonde, and she didn’t do anything. She didn’t talk, walk, wet herself, read, or any other fancy toy action. She just was. Perfect simplicity.

That’s why Barbie was so great for a girl like me. I had imagination. I liked to talk to myself. I liked to dream. So, I got to control Barbie’s universe. I told  Barbie what to do-such as :

Dump Ken                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

Opt for the Barbie Dream Camper not the pink convertible (though I eventually had both)

Take the job as a reporter and forget the fashion show.

My Barbie had a  very interesting life  limited only by my imagination. Or, Pam’s. As children my best friend Pam and I spent HOURS playing Barbies. We both accumulated a number of them, along with their various co-horts, Ken, Skipper(one of Barbie’s four sisters), and all the “fake Barbies” given to us by friends and family. Barbie got her hair cut (alas it didn’t grow back), got married and divorced countless times (I think we were influenced by the soap opera viewing of Pam’s mom ), had feuds with her rivals, and traveled everywhere.

We played with Barbie for years, years I’m telling you and guess what-neither of us was scarred for life. We didn’t grow up wanting to be fashionistas with 24 inch waists or have some misguided vision of life as girls. In fact I think we both turned out pretty well-both understanding that there is room in every life for high heel shoes a la Barbie as well as  nice comfortable loafers. We both have careers, had happy marriages, and then (like Barbie after 43 years with Ken) divorced. We’ve raised children, been good girlfriend to the other girls in our lives, and have never felt the need to barf after dinner. 

So take that all you Barbie fearmongers.

I had hoped for Barbie daughters, but it didn’t turn out that way. They liked  Barbie well enough, but she never became the favorite of childhood. The Barbie years were shortlived, with the doll mostly confined to spending life naked in the bathtub. I gave them my Barbies to play with-(yes that classic 1971 Malibu Barbie ended up flotsam) and all her clothes and such. I bought them Barbies, (though here’s my mommy confession: I threw away all shoes and accesories upon purchase. Once you’ve vaccumed up a Barbie shoe you know it has to be done) and I still can’t walk down the toy aisle without looking longingly at Holiday Barbie, Easter Barbie, you-name-it-we-make-it Barbie.

And now it is Barbie’s 50th birthday. FIFTY! The big 5-0.  

Barbie doesn’t seem to be having nearly the issues with turning 50 that some of my girlfriends are having.

So I’d like to say Happy Birthday Barbie! While the rest of the world may debate your worth-I say Bravo! Here’s to 50 more years. Because I can’t imagine having grown up without Barbie, or Pam (who is far from 50 herself). 

Fun facts I didn’t know from Barbie’s press office:

• Barbie’s real name is Barbie Millicent Roberts
• Barbie is from Willows, Wisconsin.  She attended Willows High School
• Ruth Handler, co-founder of Mattel, brought her vision of a three-dimensional doll to life with the introduction of Barbie in 1959
• Barbie first appeared in the now-famous black-and-white striped swimsuit and signature ponytail
• Barbie has four sisters: Skipper (1964), Stacie (1992), Kelly (1995) and Krissy (1995)  
• Barbie’s first pet was a horse named Dancer
• The first Barbie doll sold for $3.00 (1959)
• Barbie’s signature color is Barbie pink:  PMS 219
• Barbie’s first boyfriend, Ken, debuted two years after Barbie in 1961
• Ken was named after the son of Mattel founders Ruth and Elliot Handler
• Ken and Barbie broke up on Valentine’s Day in 2004 after being together more than 43 years  
• The best-selling Barbie doll ever was 1992 Totally Hair Barbie, with hair from the top of her head to her toes
• Barbie has been outfitted by more than 70 famous couturiers
• Barbie has had more than 108 inspirational careers

http://www.barbiemedia.com/?cat=5

http://www.newsweek.com/id/185788

Sonny side up.

See the bald guy covering his face. That’s my governor.
He’s busily running our state into the ground. I wish somebody would smack him and tell him to pay attention he might learn a thing or two. Or at least FAKE INTEREST!

D is for doing not dreaming.

Recently I ‘tweeted’ (on Twitter of course) the thought :  I wish I was brave.

Yesterday I decided to be brave,

today I have to be braver.

Because I have daffodils in my yard.

 I love daffodils. They are by far my favorite flower and each spring I am thrilled by their arrival in the lawns and flowerbeds of my neighbors throughout town.  I have never before had daffodils in my own lawn. I’m not sure why, but I know that over-priced shrink could spend hours analyzing with me why I never went out and just planted them instead of talking about planting them.  Each spring I would pine for my own yellow daffodils and sigh that I would certainly plant them when December rolled around. And yet I didn’t.

Until last December when I found myself planting bulb after bulb. I originally intended to simply surround my mailbox but soon got carried away. It now appears that I have daffodils in view from almost every window of my house.  Mine are the first in the neighborhood to bloom, so everyone else gets to enjoy my flowers this year.

And as daffodils  are perennials,  I know that each spring will be a delight all because I just did it. I planted the daffodils instead of talking about the daffodils.

So now I must be brave.

Without going into the myriad of reasons, the analysis, the figuring, the contemplating the why-why-why’s life has gone the way it has, I will simply say that  daffodil planting isn’t the only thing I haven’t done. Somehow I have reached a place when I look around me and think how did this life happen to me? How did I get here?

How?
And what am I going to do about it?

Well I tell you, I’m not going to let another 44 years go by.

 I’m going to be brave.

I’m going to go where I’ve always wanted to go, see what I’ve always wanted to see, and begin to become the person I always wanted to be.

I’m going to become

my own ideal.

The countdown begins:  26 days til step 1.

 

Living in, like, the real world

Turns out there  is a brain wandering about in the Palin family-and it’s not in the Governor’s head.

In the weeks and months since the  presidential election Governor Palin has demonstrated that there isn’t a camera  she doesn’t love. ( Well, that’s not entirely true, it has to be a camera with the FOX news logo on it, but I digress. ) Leaving many of us to wonder what took her so long?  Where was this chatterbox during the election?

Then, out of nowhere, the camera turns and we get to hear the voice of another Palin-young Bristol. Remember her, the teen daughter turned campaign poster girl for  the pro-life wing of the Republican party? Turns out Bristol, unlike dear old mom, has a clue. 

Bristol may not have meant to do so, (although I’m thinking she is smarter than anyone realized and knew exactly what she was saying, ) but she blew holes right through her mother’s just say no argument.

“I hope people learn from my story and just, like, prevent teen pregnancy, I guess.” says Bristol Palin.

And while all the pundits and reporters and such are salivating over Bristol’s apparent endorsement of choice,

Yes, Bristol insisted, it was her choice to have Tripp. “In terms of the … whole issue of the right to life and choice and things like that … this is your decision?” Van Susteren asked. “Yeah,” repeated Bristol. “It doesn’t matter what my mom’s views are on it. It was my decision. And I wish people would realize that, too.”

I walked away from the interview thinking about something else she said.

Bristol described telling her parents about the pregnancy as follows:

… telling her parents she was pregnant “was, like, harder than labor,” and described sitting on the couch with Johnston and a best friend there for support, so petrified about making her announcement that she was “just sick to my stomach,” so much so that finally, her best friend had to blurt it out for her. Bristol continued, “I don’t even remember it, because it was just like something I don’t want to remember.”

As a mother I found that statement completely heartbreaking. At what was probably the worst moment of her life Bristol was petrified, so much so that she doesn’t want to remember it. So much so that she couldn’t talk to her own mother.

What I hope that people take away from the Bristol Palin story is this: Abstinence is a nice idea. But, as Palin said, it is unrealistic.  So as adults we must start talking to our sons and daughters about what is realistic. Abstain until you are old enough, mature enough, responsible enough, to deal with the consequences of sexual activity; and, if you can’t, then understand that you must use birth control, and not just to prevent pregnancy, but to save your own life from the myriad of diseases awaiting you. 

It is time for Governor Palin, and all of us, to make sure that our heads are out of the sand. Teenagers are having sex. Teenagers are getting pregnant, and sadly, as Bristol Palin articulated, teenagers are filled with regret that they have lost their lives at such a young age. 

“I don’t know if it’s what I expected,” Bristol said of young motherhood. “But it’s just a lot different. It’s not just the baby that’s hard. It’s like I’m not living for myself anymore. It’s for another person.”

“I wish it would happen in like 10 years, so I could have a job and an education and be, like, prepared, and have my own house and stuff. But he brings so much joy. I don’t regret it at all. I just wish it would have happened in 10 years rather than right now.”

We must raise children who are not afraid to talk to the adults in their lives. We must make sure that the conversation doesn’t begin when a terrified teen sits down on the sofa to blurt out the worst. 

It must start with information.

Birth control. Condoms . Pregnancy. Disease. Heartbreak. Sorrow. Joy. Pleasure.

And yes, maybe,

choice.

 

http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2009/02/18/bristol_palin/

A Horse is a Horse

This was a very thorough article, by John Siracusa, on the subject of “e-books” . It makes some  interesting points on the subject, especially this one on why Apple never entered the e-book market after revolutionizing the world of music via I-Pod.

[Jobs] had a wide range of observations on the industry, including the Amazon Kindle book reader, which he said would go nowhere largely because Americans have stopped reading.

“It doesn’t matter how good or bad the product is, the fact is that people don’t read anymore,” he said. “Forty percent of the people in the U.S. read one book or less last year. The whole conception is flawed at the top because people don’t read anymore

Sad. One book or less a year. I can’t even imagine that. There’s a whole wonderful world of information and fantasy, adventure and sorrow, mystery and laughter, all to be found between the covers-of a book that is-and everyone is missing out. How can that be?  

Well  people may not read anymore but I do, though it seems my love for the “book” in it’s pure form-bound with pages that smell of the musty shelves of the used bookstore-is doomed. Or rather, says the author, I am doomed.

To die.

Death, it seems, will be what brings about the revolution. As readers die off, e-readers will take over the world.

But the truth is, these things always turn out the same way. And I have some bad news for the bibliophiles. The beloved, less technically sophisticated information conveyance with the pedigreed history doesn’t win.

Time and again this happens, and it can happen without changing a single person’s mind. To put it bluntly, people die. Indeed, death is arguably the single most important driver for all human progress. Even in a community as reason-based as science, it’s often necessary to wait for one generation of scientists to die off before a new theory gains mainstream acceptance. It’s a bit much to hold consumers’ text-based media preferences to a higher standard.

Well, when it’s my time to kick the bucket, bury me with my copy of From the Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, (the first book I really , really loved) and know that I died happy-without a Kindle in sight. 

http://arstechnica.com/gadgets/news/2009/02/the-once-and-future-e-book.ars

No shirts no shoes no what?

Surely he’s kidding right?

This nation is facing the very real possiblity of an economic collapse to rival the Great Depression. We are in the midst of two wars. Our international reputation is in the toilet. The report card on our infrastructure should have all of us on our knees praying that the electrical grid doesn’t collapse around our ears and he wants to talk about JACKETS!

Former President Bush wore a jacket and tie to work everyday. He had quite a spiffy “formal” dress code while he was in office. That tie supposedly demonstrated his respect for the Office of the Presidency. And where did eight years of  coat wearing get us?

On the precipse of hell.

Now is not the time for petty stupidity folks. Now is the time for serious action and change.

I don’t care if they all wear Power Puff Girl p.j.’s to work  paired with  Wiley Coyote slippers if they get things done!

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/02/05/bush-chief-of-staff-to-ob_n_164286.html

When is a book a book?

I’ve written here before about my aversion to e-reading and I’ve worried about it as a parent (though in a house full of books and a seriously restrictive computer use policy it hasn’t been a real issue yet).  Today I read this in the NYT Sunday magazine. I really enjoyed it and the author did a good job of summing up some of my concerns about online reading and children.

It’s worth a look.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/01/magazine/01wwln-medium-t.html

Getting the hell out of dodge

 

As they sang in my favorite movie- “So long, farewell…”

Or better yet- don’t let the door hit you in the ass.
I hope the next time we see former President Bush in Washington he is accompanied by his attorney to testify at his war crimes trial.

Finally.

The pot and the kettle

As we all await the pardons, the last minute raping of the Constitution, and whatever is left of the next 24 hours  I find that this best sums up my feelings on  the whole nasty mess:

 

http://margaretandhelen.wordpress.com/2009/01/18/glass-houses/

(Emphasis added is mine)

But it’s not so much George W. who has me flabbergasted.  You would have thought his departure would have instantly increased the IQ level inside the Beltway.  But while the entire nation is singing  “ding dong the witch is gone“  members of Congress  seem to forget that they’re the only ones who have a lower approval rating than the jack ass himself.  Talk about glass houses.  Congress gave Bush a blank check.  They allowed the continuation of an illegal war.  And they looked the other way while the White House took away our basic civil rights.   This all happened while the fox watched that little hen house we call the Capitol and now Congressional politicians are coming out of their holes to  pontificate on Obama’s every move before he has even been sworn in – much less

Playing with water

One of my favorite things about parenting is getting to peek into the imaginary world that my children create. I especially enjoy bathtime. My littlest loves to drag all the toys, cars, and little people  she owns into the tub with her. Then she  can be heard talking and driving and playing out loud-certainly having considerably more fun than getting clean. The aftermath of bathtime is interesting to observe as she leaves behind cars parked in formation, little people frozen in mid-conversation, some animals left floating while others act out surprise attacks on one another. I’m often left wishing I knew what was going on in her little mind at the exact moment she put Blue the dog into the mouth of the lion while the police car chased down Bear (of  Bear in the Big Blue House fame).

Last night she had easily twenty matchbox cars in the tub with her and when I passed by they were lined up around the rim while she moved each one slowly forward in procession.

“It’s the inauguration parade.”

Really?

“Yes, we talked about it in school. Soon Obama will be president”

In seven days.

“I’m excited.”

Me too.

She has no idea how excited.

In the wake of President Bush’s admission that he not only knew about, but  also authorized, specific torture techniques on individual prisoners at Guantanamo I feel like the end can’t come soon enough to this unbelievably dark period in our nation’s life. There is much debate going on about whether or not the Obama administration should call for an investigation into the (alleged-though given the recent admission why use the word? ) war crimes of President Bush, Vice-President Cheney, and others in the administration.  I for one hold my breath and offer the prayer that this will happen. While I understand the concepts of  moving on, not looking back but looking forward, putting this all behind us, I don’t agree.

Some things are black and white. This is one of them:

No one is above the law.

Some things are black and white. This is one of them:

Torture is wrong. Always.

Some things are black and white. This is one of them:  

Individuals and nations must take responsibility for the things they do. Without accountability and consequences there is no “rule of law” and there is no way for me to teach my children about right and wrong.

It is far too easy to make excuses and  say I didn’t mean too, I did what I thought was right, It was a time of war, I was just following orders….and on and on and on.

It takes courage and decency and morals and honor to do the right thing regardless of the consequences and to then speak the truth about it.  Air Force Major David J.R. Frakt, Lead Defense Counsel, sounds like one such man. http://www.aclu.org/safefree/detention/35753res20080619.html

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26315908/#28629277

His words should be the words we would all speak if given the opportunity:

“February 7, 2002. America lost a little of its greatness that day. We lost our position as the world’s leading defender of human rights, as the champion of justice and fairness and the rule of law. But it is a testament to the continuing greatness of this nation, that I, a lowly Air Force Reserve Major, can stand here before you today, with the world watching, without fear of retribution, retaliation or reprisal, and speak truth to power. I can call a spade a spade, and I can call torture, torture.

Today, Your Honor, you have an opportunity to restore a bit of America’s lost luster, to bring back some small measure of the greatness that was lost on Feb 7, 2002, to set us back on a path that leads to an America which once again stands at the forefront of the community of nations in the arena of human rights.”

I’m very excited about the inauguration for a lot of reasons, but mostly because of this-some things are black and white and I want my little one to know that, to believe that, and to witness that-no matter who you are-

the President of the United States

or Bear being chased by the bathtub police. (Whatever you did Bear, apologize now.)

Thrown a bone.

As an Episcopalian and a supporter of  Rev. Robinson, this makes me happy.

Though it still feels like being invited to the reception but not the wedding.  
Progress is slow, I know.

Maybe next time Rev. Warren will be the one on the steps outside and everybody else invited in.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/01/13/us/13prayer.html?_r=1&partner=rss

A(wo)men

And while it thrills me to no end that a woman is FINALLY going to preach the sermon at the inaugural event-I am sad that the service receives less coverage than the actual swearing in on Jan. 20. As a result  fewer girls (like mine) will be able to see her in action.

Sadly we will all see Rick Warren though.

 

http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/01/12/inauguration.sermon/index.html

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Very very hungry girl.

I have an appetite, though he’s probably right. But a girl can dream…

http://www.time.com/time/printout/0,8816,1870319,00.html

From Klein (emphasis is mine)

But that’s not going to happen. Indeed, it seems probable that nothing much is going to happen to the Bush Administration officials who perpetrated what many legal scholars consider to be war crimes. “I would say that there’s some theoretical exposure here” to a war-crimes indictment in U.S. federal court, says Gene Fidell, who teaches military justice at Yale Law School. “But I don’t think there’s much public appetite for that sort of action.” There is, I’m told, absolutely no interest on the part of the incoming Obama Administration to pursue indictments against its predecessors. “We’re focused on the future,” said one of the President-elect’s legal advisers. Fidell and others say it is possible, though highly unlikely, that Bush et al. could be arrested overseas — one imagines the Vice President pinched midstream on a fly-fishing trip to Norway — just as Augusto Pinochet, the Chilean dictator, was indicted in Spain and arrested in London for his crimes.

If Barack Obama really wanted to be cagey, he could pardon Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld for the possible commission of war crimes. Then they’d have to live with official acknowledgment of their ignominy in perpetuity. More likely, Obama will simply make sure — through his excellent team of legal appointees — that no such behavior happens again. Still, there should be some official acknowledgment by the U.S. government that the Bush Administration’s policies were reprehensible, and quite possibly illegal, and that the U.S. is no longer in the torture business. If Obama doesn’t want to make that statement, perhaps we could do it in the form of a Bush Memorial in Washington: a statue of the hooded Abu Ghraib prisoner in cruciform stress position — the real Bush legacy.

Save the date

I heard this story while upside down in the dentist’s  chair and had I not had a mouth full of implements and fingers I would have no doubt gagged, or shouted, or groaned.  If I were her mother, or her best friend, or big sister I would smack this lovely woman up the side of her head.

I don’t understand the concept of I just have to be married, and I certainly don’t understand making marriage a destination or goal. 

Mind you perhaps I don’t understand how some women feel, as I was married for a very very very long time. But I am also now not married, having seen that very very very long marriage go down the tubes with virtually no warning. It seems that my ex met up with someone who had also set a marriage goal-marrying him. Her own marriage and his were just pesky little details for the both of them.  So naturally I am a tad sour on the idea of ever uttering the words til death do we part again.

But still 52 weeks to find a husband? Not a partner, or  a great guy, or a wonderful date, but a HUSBAND. Like that’s the ultimate prize in the cracker jack box? While I applaud her initiative and her take-charge way of going about this, I am skeptical. Something in me thinks she really wants a wedding more than a marriage.

But despite my cynicism I wish her luck. But even more so I wish her insight. Perhaps she will get to the end of the 52 weeks and realize that she doesn’t want to get married, and certainly doesn’t need too. Perhaps she will find that she is a smart, talented, accomplished female and whole person all on her own without someone else. Perhaps she will find that Mr. Wonderful she seeks but decide that the white dress and binding legal contract aren’t necessary.  Perhaps she, and hopefully a lot of women, young girls, (my daughters included!) and all of our society will cease viewing marriage  as the  ultimate touchdown. 

 And on another point-at the end of the article the author asks the question

So what happens if she doesn’t find her soul mate by 2010?

I don’t believe she said she was looking for a soul mate. She’s looking for a spouse, and those are not necessarily one in the same.

http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=6564990&page=1

One quick question really I promise.

I can’t believe I am even talking about this! But humor me and allow me this one rhetorical question

HOWHOWHOWHOWHOWHOWHOWHOWHOW?????
Bristol says teens need to avoid pregnancy-

by………(long pause)

Abstinence-which clearly didn’t work for her and Levi.

Or (really long pause)

informed, intelligent, safe BIRTH CONTROL-

which her MOTHER THE WANNA BE PRESIDENT IS OPPOSED TOO FOR TEENS???

My head hurts and it is only January 3.

http://www.gov.state.ak.us/news.php?id=1593

Guilty as charged?

Earlier this week I bemoaned the demise of publishing houses, literature, books, bookstores, and all things sacred. Blame it on the damn technology I yelped!  Down with the Kindle! I shouted.

Uh-oh.

I’ve always known there was something wrong with my routine purchases from Alibris.com and have been known to engage in a conversation or two over royalties and profits and such in the book world (as compared to the world of music, downloading, and copyrights). 

Are my used book purchases akin to Napster? Am I biting the hand of the writers I love with each  acquistion of a $3.00 tome?

Woe.

And now guilt. What is a reader to do?

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/28/weekinreview/28streitfeld.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&em

82 to go with no help from anyone

The girls gave me my favorite gift for Christmas- a gift card to the bookstore. ARGH! Just moments after my vow to buy no new books until I’ve finished all the ones in the stack.

Then today over lunch he says, “Let’s go to the bookstore”

This is clearly a conspiracy.

I am off to my basket to pick the next read.

(I said no to the bookstore).

Forget Frosty…

Now Snowzilla I like!

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21134540/vp/28381609#28381609

Santa Watch

We are sooooo excited around here!

http://www.noradsanta.org/en/home.html

Reading writing and terror

President Bush has said it countless times in more venues than I can keep up with-

the Taliban is no longer in power

Afghanistan is free

the Taliban no longer exists

We have eliminated the Taliban

Billions of dollars and thousands and thousands of lives later and he still says that.

Tell it to the girls.

http://worldblog.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2008/12/23/1723558.aspx

Clinging desperately

The most thrilling thing about Christmas vacation is the gift of time. No carpool commute, no afterschool activities, minimal housekeeping, just time to be, guilt free. I rarely say to myself “I should be….” during these carefree pre and post holi-days. As long as I stay on top of the laundry and keep the little one’s fed, I feel free to falalalalala. In my case that means I get to catch up on my reading.

I am now current on the magazines, having whittled the stack of fifteen down to two.  The NYT is finished, check that off the list, and I am well into the book of the moment. (An Imperfect Offering and it is a wonderful book, I highly recommend it.)  So in between the baking and the wrapping and the last of the yuletide preparations I am enjoying the time to just sit and plow through the pages.

I like to read, we’ve talked about that here before. I like to hold the book in my hand, smell it, feel it, mark the pages, toss it on the bed, and return to it. Reading is a total sensory experience for me. It’s not just about the words on the page, it’s about finding the right chair, adjusting the light, and savoring the stories-even bad ones. I read books and then remember them-where was I when I read them, how old was I, who recommended the book to me- all as important details as the plot from start to finish.

I am a dinosaur.

I don’t own a Kindle. I don’t want one.

I don’t read books online and I don’t want to.

I don’t (gasp) want to pull one up on my phone.

I want a book.

I want a book I order from Amazon or Alibris. I want a book that I carry around in my bag complaining that it weighs too much. I want a book I find while browsing the last of the independent book sellers in town or pick up at at the library.  I want a book, a good one -a bad one -a bestseller- or a bargain bin discount.

I am a dinosaur, or perhaps better to say an ostrich. I am going to stick my head in the sand and pretend that the gloom and doom sayers are wrong. I am going to refuse to believe that the book is dying, that e-reading is the wave of my future, or that good literature is circling the drain.

I simply refuse.       http://www.salon.com/books/feature/2008/12/23/publishing/index.html

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/12/24/technology/24kindle.html

8 going on 18

Some things just depress me to speechlessness.

So is it wrong to hope the old man dies soon? (And for that matter the father too)

http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5g_iWCsRbR0Bnb1sWAeiEgG0lPRyQ

83 and counting

I recently found myself in my favorite local used book store searching for a title that my daughter wanted to read over the Christmas break. I didn’t find it, but I did find three books for me. (Total spent $3.00). I brought the books home and tossed them in the  basket o’books #2 that sits next to my bed. Then  I counted. I had three library books on the night table, two books I own that are in “mid-read” sitting next to them, twelve magazines, two newspapers and then 83 books in the various to read baskets.  83 books.

Right then and there I made a vow. I’d call it an early New Year’s Resolution, but honestly I never keep those resolutions so why kid myself. I’m calling it a vow because it sounds so much more serious-like the vow of poverty or chastity or some such. VOW. That seems to imply keep it or else god will get involved.

And, as with any vow, resolution, or plan, it helps to share it with others. (The whole accountability thing.) So here goes:

I will NOT buy another book until I have finished every one of the books in the to-read baskets. Not a one.  That will also include library books-no library books either.

This will be difficult, and will certainly require me to stay out of bookstores. It will mean I am back to keeping a list of books-I want-to-read, particularly as the end-o’the year “Best Books” lists are already cropping up everywhere from the New York Times to NPR.   http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=98381111 . I will make my list and then return to the baskets.

I’m thinking of it as an adventure for who knows what lingers at the bottom of the piles?

At my normal pace this should take me a year or so. A year with no new book purchases.

I’m having withdrawals already.

Breaking Legs

I’m tired. Bone weary, just want to lie down and sleep crushingly tired. Part we can attribute to my bodys’ apparent inability to store iron (long story) but most to the Annual Children and Youth Theatre Holiday Production.  For the third year in a row I  have taken on the herculean task of staging a full scale community theatre  production in under a month – with  children. Every year I begin the task with great enthusiasm and every year reach a point when I vow to never undertake such again.

Working with children can be positively delightful. They are cute and fun and oh-so-earnest in their endeavors to “act”. Working with children can be a nightmare. They don’t listen, they run around backstage, they cry, they forget their lines,  and they always have to go to the bathroom-after the show has commenced.

Directing the children’s show means I must watch my language at all times, maintain a relatively cheerful facade, and have the patience of Job. Mind you I have a mouth like a sailor, am not known to be cheerful, and patience, well it truly is a virtue I’m lacking.

Directing the children’s show means cute sets, cute costumes, and cute music. I am artistically deficient, can’t sew, can’t glue, glitter, or any other “crafty” things, and cute-I know it when I see it but don’t ask me to produce it.

Directing the children’s show means I haven’t been home at a decent hour all week, my house is a wreck, and my personal life in shambles. I haven’t read the newspaper in forever and I have no idea if the world is still spinning out there. I have paint under my nails that won’t come off, I smell like gingerbread 24/7, and I have dreams about elves. Why did I do this, again? I moaned as I crashed into my pillow last night.

Then it’s opening night and it all makes sense again. The cast is flawless, the audience laughs, and some cute little cherub comes up after the show and says to me next year can I be in your show?

Oh that’s it!

I get to be a part of what is, for many in the cast as well as the audience, their very first theatrical experience. I get to be a part of the beginning of something. I get to introduce people young and old to the magic of the theatre. I get to create laughter and memories for others. I get to share something I love .

And at the end I get to watch as the lights go down and the littlest star reads “Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.”

And every year I cry and think, I can’t wait until next year.

If a tree falls in the woods

I’ve recently had to deal with a “matter” that has just dredged up all the old nasty bits of life from the past few years, returning  a nice anger in my gut and a slight taste of bile in my mouth. Just when I was getting used to shhhhh quiet in my life, whamo comes the garbage once more.

All, as result ,of someone’s “character” while no one was looking.

If you don’t get caught does it count?

Yes it does my friends. Be it adultery or betrayal, or cheating or lying, or….well you pick your indiscretion of  choice.

How timely to discover this story on the un-aired Rev. Wright ad that the McCain campaign didn’t use during the election season. McCain had called the Wright issue “off-limits”  and thus the ad didn’t run. I think it shouldn’t have run because it is hypocrisy as an art form.

The voice over lady says “Character, it matters. Even when no one is watching.”

Yes sir re dee dee.

Character-as in John McCain’s adultery maybe? No one was looking then-except maybe the-well-the lady friend. Or maybe his Keating dealings? Or his gambling? Or or or.. Or his running mate’s laundry list of unethical behaviors?

Now I’m not saying that Senator Obama is without his own skeletons-no one is.

I’m just saying, Character does count especially when no one is looking.

And those who think no one has been looking at them shouldn’t throw stones-just in case.

 

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/12/08/mccains-unaired-wright-at_n_149298.html

Passing out prizes

I’ve just returned from an afternoon of falalalalala-ing. I decked some halls, bought a few gifts, and found myself humming Jingle Bells while picking up sundries at my local Kroger. I love this time of year-the bright lights of Christmas trees peeking out of front windows, the wreaths on the doors, and the ringing of the Salvation Army bell.  I take it all in and smile thinking that perhaps Peace on Earth is possible and maybe everyone really does believe in Goodwill toward man. And then I read this-

In his column for the Weekly Standard  Bill Kristol makes his holiday to-do list for President Bush-thing’s he would like Bush to do before leaving office in January. Among the items to attend to-torture. It seems that Mr. Kristol would like President Bush to pardon those responsible for torturing prisoners in order to protect them, the torturers,from possible prosecution somewhere down the line.

Okay, so it is a stretch but maaaaaaaybe I can buy that line of thinking. We can say  they were just following orders and had no choice in the matter (though I ‘d like to think that a truly  courageous person would make the choice to refuse to participate in such morally reprehensible conduct). Given that they should be protected from prosecution for their conduct during the  “war on terror”. But then Kristol takes it a step further:

(Emphasis added is mine)

One last thing: Bush should consider pardoning–and should at least be vociferously praising–everyone who served in good faith in the war on terror, but whose deeds may now be susceptible to demagogic or politically inspired prosecution by some seeking to score political points. The lawyers can work out if such general or specific preemptive pardons are possible; it may be that the best Bush can or should do is to warn publicly against any such harassment or prosecution. But the idea is this: The CIA agents who waterboarded Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, and the NSA officials who listened in on phone calls from Pakistan, should not have to worry about legal bills or public defamation. In fact, Bush might want to give some of these public servants the Medal of Freedom at the same time he bestows the honor on Generals Petraeus and Odierno. They deserve it.

The Medal of Freedom? For torturing people ?

The Medal of freedom is “the nation’s highest civilian award, recognizes exceptional meritorious service”.

It has been a source of great pain for me over the past eight years to know that our nation (or at least its’ government) has condoned torture and that we have engaged in the very activities which we have condemned throughout history when committed by others. Regardless of the cause, partisian politics aside, this is torture we’re talking about people TORTURE.

Over the course of the presidential campaign we were repeatedly reminded that John McCain was a hero because as a POW he was tortured.  Then help me here-

                       McCain torture victim = hero.

                                    And now

                             Torturers=heroes.

 It doesn’t add up for me.

How can we call ourselves the greatest nation on earth if we not only condone and excuse cruelty to others, but then reward it with high honors? 

At a time when we as a “Christian nation” celebrate our holiest of days I can’t help but wonder if Bill Kristol would find Jesus, a man who preached peace and love and kindness toward all , worthy of the Medal of Freedom.

Sadly I doubt it.

We’d probably just crucify him all over again.

http://www.medaloffreedom.com/

http://weeklystandard.com/Content/Public/Articles/000/000/015/876qyutv.asp?pg=1

Stand by your cyber man?

This I just don’t get. On so many levels.

Honestly, there are days when my “real life” is a giant pain in the ass, I can’t imagine having to deal with a second one. And where in the world do these folks find the time?

http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/europe/11/14/second.life.divorce/index.html

FALALALALALALALALA already.

I just put up six sets of Christmas lights on the bushes outside of my home. I think I need about four more to really complete the look.

Yes, it is entirely too early for this. I am one of those that thinks no Christmas until after Thanksgiving. However, every year I wait too long and end up stringing the lights in the frigid cold and every year  I say that I will take advantage of a warm day for the next years’ decking of the halls.

So, it’s nice and cool, a fall breeze blowing. Perfect weather.

But still early, unless you ask my girls.

Recently we were discussing the upcoming Christmas holidays while driving hither and yon to music or swim or rehearsals or some such part of our life. Christmas comes up a lot lately, as it will be the first Christmas they spend with X, and there is a great deal of unhappiness, anxiety, grousing, and such about that. It’s not fair you know, they say.

 My oldest announced that this would be the first really divorced Christmas and that it needed to rock outloud.  We have to do it all, especially the outside lights, we didn’t have outside lights last year.   Little one chimed in with the suggestion that we have two trees and that we put them up right now.

I didn’t probe too much for an explanation to what she meant by really divorced or why it has to rock out loud because I’ve learned to tread lightly, listen a lot and talk very little, when it comes to her and her feelings about this divorce. Usually I fail miserably. I listen some and then talk waaaaay too much. She recently shared that sometimes it seems as if I am trying to change her mind about things and that I am trying too hard to be daddy’s cheerleader. Just let me hate him mom, okay?  And I know she’s right. I worry a great deal about the impact of this divorce, especially as I watch her attitude about her father shift with each passing day. My baby was once such a daddy’s girl, and now she’s just disgusted and infuriated that her friends at school know about his love life and that the new girlfriend talks-a lot - and word circles back to her.  Adolescent girls do not, trust me on this, like hearing lurid details from other adolescent girls. (So much for our agreement to keep our private lives private and out of the girls world.)

Therefore I don’t ask, I just nod in agreement. Okay, lights it is!

So today when I thought to myself-I’m going to have to string the lights, I suddenly found myself doing just that. Alone in the front yard I stretched the nets (as best as one can alone), and draped the nets (as best as one can alone) and completed  I’d say a good 2/3rds of that task. I am certain that somewhere a neighbor was looking out and thinking what is she doing?  I am certain that upon close inspection in the light of day my nets look like a tangled mass shoved and tucked into the shrubbery. I know that the likes of Martha, my gloriously talented friend Lynn, or my ocd sister, or anal obsessive precision freak of an ex, would shudder to see the results of my labor.

Nonetheless, one night soon I’m going to plug them in and I know that they will be spectacular-because lights always look good at night. And then, when we return home from school or church or rehearsals or whatever has us out-and-about, my girls will be surprised when they see the twinkling festive display that awaits them.
And they will gasp, and cheer, and squeal

at what I did for them. All by myself.

Damn right this Christmas is going to rock out loud.

Starting right now.

Looking into the heart of Dixie.

 Over at his site Jim http://jimformation.com/2008/11/john-sidney-jones/  has posted some thoughts on race and this election in response to Harry’s thoughts over at his site http://lycanthropia.whistleandfish.com/2008/11/10/call-it-a-mandate/.I add this to the mix.

I cry every time  I watch President Obama’s speech in Ohio-I posted it here  it moved me so much.  I e-mailed it to my daughter to watch too. I cry when I watch footage of the networks calling the election, and I have shared that moment over and over with my girls all while trying to convey to them the significance of this country electing its’ first African- American president. Much of what I say falls on deaf ears because they don’t understand the world that came before them. Racism and segregation –these are the things they study in school along with the suffrage or the battle for women’s rights, it’s history to them not reality. Or so they think.

But as I commented over at Jim’s, it’s not history, not here in the deep south. Racism is alive and well and living here. There may be no more legally sanctioned discrimination-unless you agree with me that the voter id laws are just that-but the deeply rooted sentiments remain. There was no need to worry about the Bradley effect here-it was openly discussed-people weren’t ashamed to say it-no black man is going to turn the White House into a Black House. Educated, “intelligent” leaders in the community-on the record. We are not talking about the backwoods  Southerners as picked up by the media and featured on a few websites-we are talking about everyday people who truly believe in the inferiority of black people, and in the legitimate fear of a black man with any control or authority.

It is hard to believe if you don’t live here. It is hard to believe if you don’t see it every day. It’s hard to believe until you’ve heard someone spit out the words “the only thing worse than  a white woman married to a black man is a white woman  married to a Jew” within earshot of my dear friend who is, in fact, the one married to the Jew.  It is hard to believe unless you still hear people talk about moving out of areas that are “too dark”-and they aren’t referring to the lack of sunshine in their backyards. It is hard to believe unless you read the letters to the editor about the importance of voting for McCain-Palin in order to preserve “true America” and to avoid turning this “great nation” over to “them”.  It is hard to believe unless you live in a town where the Rotary Club membership list would match up pretty evenly with that of the Klan, or the local Sunday School class-and it’s no big deal.

It is hard to believe unless you hear it and see it in action.

I teach at a local college and part of my senior policy class includes a discussion of social welfare policy across the history of this country. This includes a review of the civil rights era. In that discussion we talk about the impact of television on the civil rights movement and I show them the video of the “C” project and the hosing of black students in Birmingham, Alabama. This moment  is considered pivotal in the Civil Rights movement because it was shown on television, and people in the North were confronted with the very ugly reality of segregation. TV gave proof to what was so hard to believe.

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/amex/eyesontheprize/story/07_c.html 

It is difficult to watch, and difficult to discuss because it is so hard to believe-and yet it is a rare class that doesn’t include some laughter, or smirking, or mumbled commentary from college seniors. I’ve been treated to every possible rationalization for the actions seen on the video and even had it suggested to me that perhaps that method could be employed to deal with “the illegals” at the border.  These are students that have lived here in the deep South their entire lives and, like me, were raised by people who may have never uttered the “n” word, but nonetheless have a very colorful selection of other terms to describle African-Americans and Latinos. These are the students who will tell you that there is a difference  between the races (despite the evidence of the human genome project) and that the Bible supports this idea. 

It is 2008 and we are officially one generation removed from the the legally segregated south, but travel through the states of Ga, Alabama, Tennessee or Mississippi and witness otherwise. Follow the swath of red on the electoral map and talk to people, and watch how we live and then say that the numbers don’t support the idea that race played in to the margin of victory for President Elect Obama. Visit our schools and witness that “separate but equal” may no longer be the law of the land, but it is very much still a reality. Come down here and talk to the people who are stockpiling guns and whispering about how Obama is going to promote “the blacks” and that “the whites” need to protect themselves. Come and visit the parts of town that aren’t talked about in the Chamber of Commerce report. Listen closely, and you will hear the  voices of those who no one wants to believe still exist. They sit in the pews, preach from the pulpit, stand at the blackboard, and legislate from under the dome.

I cry every time I watch the moment the news channels called the election. I hold my breath and imagine what that means for my children, and rejoice in how far we have come. But I know, because I live in the heart of all the red on the map, just how far we have to go.

Today

 is November 9th.

Now I ask you,

do you believe me now?

Not so fine

I hadn’t seen this one before today. What a brilliant summary of one of the primary reasons John McCain must be denied the presidency.

 

Where do all the signs go when they die?

I think this makes sign 5-honestly I am losing count. But today is election day so  I don’t  care.

 My little one and I marched out and put up ANOTHER sign and the skipped to the car. Yes, today is a day for skipping.

Enough.

I never considered pledging a sorority when  I was in college. I knew that I wasn’t sorority girl material for a myriad of reasons, the primary one being that I am not good at group think. I don’t follow along well, I don’t take orders (a pledge week requirement) and  I ask too many questions. These traits have kept me from joining the military, getting along with all my bosses, and being a good parishioner of my church. It has also kept me a political independent-voting across party lines based on the issues and the individual rather than the plank. This election has been no different and I voted a few weeks back based on what I knew, didn’t know, like and don’t like about the candidates and their vision for this nation. I did my very best to make an informed, rational decision, saving my emotion  for later.  And now, election day is upon us.

Should my candidate, Senator Obama, and my really favorite guy Joe Biden, lose, I will be disappointed. I will truly believe in my heart that something went terribly wrong and I will worry about the fate of this great nation. I will worry about more war and death, poverty and a crashing economy, freedom of speech, the sanctity of the Constitution, the environment and lots of other things. Mostly I will worry about Senator McCain’s health. I will turn off the television and be sad, but life will go on.

But  I really really want McCain to lose, and lose soundly. I want this to be over and for this country to send the McCain-Palin ticket packing. I cannot recall ever being this invested in an election in my entire life. And not just for my children, and for all that I dream for their future, but because I am angry, personally angry at John McCain.

I spoke to my mother on the phone yesterday to wish her a happy birthday and to begin discussions on the upcoming holiday season and who will eat where when. We talked about a  lot of different things, but not the election. At least, that was not my intent. I don’t talk politics with my parents because we are on completely different sides of the universe on things. Not just the candidates, but the issues. There’s simply no need to go there, as it will be to no avail for either side. Sex, politics, religion, not on the table as far as I am concerned. But yesterday my mother made a comment that upset me. She threw it in there I assume in an attempt to sway me, bait me, persuade me-I don’t know.  She made a comment to me that clearly indicated that she is afraid-truly afraid of an Obama victory. Personally afraid. 

My mother. Afraid.

Now I  understand much of her perspective. I understand her age, her upbringing, and how the issue of race plays in her  thinking. Her lifelong prejudices run deep, and the idea of an African-American president is an anathema to her.  But it is more than that. She has one news source, FOX-or the RNC. She has listened to everything and done no independent research, no verifying of information, no questioning. She has no interest in such. She has been fed a big heaping bowl of fear-and has swallowed it. John McCain and Sarah Palin have-without information, data, evidence, or anything to support such- told my mother that she has to fear Senator Obama-personally. Not that she need be concerned about her taxes, not worry about choice, education, the war. But fear. Fear that this man is a Muslim terrorist. Fear that she will soon be speaking Germany . Fear that Septemer 11 was just the beginning . Fear that she needs to stay home, stop traveling, and lock the door. Fear that Barack Obama is the boogeyman, the antichrist, evil.

John McCain, knowing full well that there is no reason to fear Barack Obama, has used scare tactics to win an election. He has not told my mother what he plans to do for this country, he has not told my mother why he disagrees with Senator Obama politically, he has told her to fear. Fear this man. Fear his skin color, his religion, his parents, everything.

John McCain has scared my momma.

Politics aside, that’s reason enough for me to want to take him out to the parking lot and beat the shit out of him. You-don’t-mess-with-my-momma.

 

My mom, your mom, countless moms and dads and grandparents. Scared.

For no reason at all.

Winning at all cost. That’s what this campaign turned into at some point for McCain-Palin. Winning at the expense of the truth. Winning at the expense of honest dialogue or debate. Winning by bullying and intimidating and frightening people.

Yes, it is the individual responsiblity of every voter to think, to analyze, to research. Everyone should look long at hard at both sides of every candidate and position. We are all called upon to be informed voters, to understand that we can’t listen to the pundits or make decisions based on lopsided information gathering.  But,

that’s not the case. Most people listen to one side and then go with that.
And okay, so be it.

But this time that one side  has gone to far.

That one side has pandered in fear.

That one side has my momma frightened and worried about her future-her safety.

And that’s why I am ready for this to be over. And that’s why I am holding my breath and hoping. And that’s why I am working the polls, making the calls, and driving the voters tomorrow. For the first time in my life, my election day won’t be my own-it will be Barack Obama’s, Joe Biden’s, my daughter’s, and

my mom’s.

My mom

who has nothing to fear.

A sign of popularity?

Sign 4. Gone.

So my little one says “mommy, maybe people are stealing the Obama signs because he’s so popular and they want  a sign and there aren’t anymore at the Obama office.”

That would explain why no one is stealing the McCain-Palin signs that dot the landscape of the neighborhood.

Out to put up another one. (Though I won’t leave it up for Halloween night. I wouldn’t want a little one to trip over it in the dark  and then be accused of intentionally impaling a Republican treak-or-treater with my yard sign!)

Meet Margaret and Helen

“If you are still undecided you aren’t paying attention”

These two are my new must read.

http://margaretandhelen.wordpress.com/2008/10/30/if-you-are-undecided-youre-not-paying-attention/

The little things say a lot.

I’ve written about Stanley here before-of the two Flat Stanleys that never returned to either of my daughters, and our recent experience at becoming obsessed with being the best damn Stanley for our friend Alanna. 

I hate Stanley. I understand why teachers like him and why students like him, but as a mom, Stanley ranks right up there with all experiments and projects that must be completed at home.

But, if I were an undecided voter, this would sway me I am sure.

How cool cool cool is this?

http://www.courant.com/news/local/hc-flatobama1030.artoct30,0,7881722.story

(P.S.-Note what Republican Presidential Candidate did not return his Stanley.)

 

Calendar girl

I have now been divorced exactly 365 days.

One of my bestest friends asked me on the phone last weekend, “Are you happier, cause you sound so really really happy?”  And I hesitated.

For some reason I always hesitate to say that yes, I am happier. To me that seems to imply that what happened was a good thing, or that I wasn’t happy in my marriage. When, in fact, until the last torturous two years of deskcapades , I was quite happy and had, what I thought, was a good life for me. I haven’t and I won’t Monday Morning quarterback, rewrite history, or apply what I know now to how I felt then.

I don’t think I am happier, I told her, but I am differently happy. I told her that there is, for me at least,  married kind of happy and single kind of happy  and that I am most definitely very happy in my new single state. It is a very different happy after 21 years in a relationship, but happy nonetheless.

A year ago today I had arrived at a peace that was almost two years in the making and now I have lived a year in peace. I have rediscovered someone that I hadn’t known in a long time-me. Just me. Not me the wife, me the partner, or  me the person I turned into in order to make that life work. Just me.

Me, a

differently

 happy me.

And, as I tell my girls all the time,

being different

is a good thing.

#3

The sign thief strikes again!

Lucky for me I have enough signs to last me until Tuesday.

Given that I have already voted, and there’s no sign shortage at my house, perhaps the sign thief could better use his or her time by actually CAMPAIGNING for McCain-Palin since GEORGIA IS NOW IN PLAY!!

It’s almost funny.

It’s me versus…whoever. Sign 2.

So my Obama-Biden campaign sign, and that of my neighbors, was stolen at some point today.

I went to the Obama headquarters and bought every last sign they had. Gave one to the neighbor, the rest in the garage. This is #2. I should have enough to get me through the election should the sign thieves return.

The thing is I not only bought signs, I gave some more money. Not much, but the way I see it-sign thief just contributed to the campaign.  Take that.

Mommy’s vote

This is why I voted. This is my president.

For my children.

Time

One of the great joys in my life is watching the close relationship of my oldest daughter and my nephew. They are  four months apart in age and are thicker than thieves. Thanks to  e-mail, text messaging, and cell phones, these two are up-to-the-minute informed on each others’ life. (When it comes to family news, I get it directly from my daughter, who gets it from my nephew, who is the CNN ticker of the family.)

One of their favorite things to giggle, snort, and roll their eyes about is the fact that my mother and father married quiet young. Now that the teenage years are in sight, the two of them clutch their stomachs, gasp, and carry-on about their grandmother’s youthful matrimony. She was just a teenager, eeeew, they exclaim. For some reason they find it quite funny. I think it is in part because they can’t imagine themselves nearing marriage readiness (thankfully) and they can’t imagine their grandparents young-certainly not that young.

My parents did marry as teenagers, and quickly reproduced. The benefit of having young parents is that I grew up knowing my grandparents, my  great- grandmother and even my great-great grandmother. My maternal great lived until I was a senior in college, my grandfather lived to know my children, and my grandmother is still around.

I couldn’t begin to quantify the impact that this had on my life. I have fond memories of growing up and knowing these people. My great-grandmother’s home was the site of yearly family reunions under the hot July sun. I can still smell the odor of snuff and stale air that filled the rooms of her tiny house and recall the fear mixed with delight at climbing the giant tree that stood in her yard. She was sooooo old to me, so imagine how old her mother seemed as I stood next to her for the requisite photo-ops. In actuality my great would’ve been in her late sixties, my grandmother almost fifty, and my mother not yet thirty. Sometimes it is hard to believe that I knew my grandmother when she was that young, or that I can remember my mother at 44, the age I am now. For that matter, I knew my grandmother at this age!

I grew up surrounded by these women, strong women, women who knew their mind, spoke it, and often suffered the  consequences. The men in my family are known to comment about the temperament of the women and not always in a flattering manner. Even X received a warning from my father about the women in this family on my wedding day. But the men are wrong about us. The women of my family are so much more than their take-no-shit attitude. They are  the ones that held it all together, created the homes, nurtured, scorned, loved and tortured us all into our own. They failed miserably, succeeded wonderously, and aged into formidable protectors.

My grandmother, sandwiched between her mother and mine, seemed to be the quieter of the group. I remember her always as the kind, soft spoken grandmother, maker of toast and applesauce for  breakfast, keeper of the candy drawer, and source of birthday money. To this day, without fail, I know that out of every birthday card will fall a neatly folded twenty-dollar bill. 

My grandmother is growing old. Since childhood she seemed to me frozen in time-always “old”- as grandmothers are- but never growing older. Out of nowhere, in just the past years, she has aged, visibly, and has now grown frail, tired, and weary of the world. She misses my grandfather who died years ago, and she misses being active and social, and especially doing for others. It is hard for her to be the one that needs help, hard to be dependent for even the most basic things.

My grandmother is nearing the end of her life. I am so very glad that my children have known her and  that they, and their cousins, have memories of her when she was well and memories of family gatherings at her home.
I know that my grandmother will not live forever, and yet I hope against hope, ignore the realities, and go on about my day-to-day routine. She lives just two hours away, so close, and yet so far, when trying to juggle the schedules and activities  of life.  But, I know. None of that should matter. I should go and spend time and visit with her now, while it makes her happy. I should have my children there, by her side, before she gets sick, falls, begins to rapidly leave us. I know that should she die suddenly, I will regret that I didn’t go by for one more visit.

So I imagine what it must be like to be Barack Obama, in the final days of a two year plus race for the White House. So close and yet so far. Knowing that every single moment matters, that the whole world is watching, that the “momentum” as the pundits say- is on his side. Knowing that he is making history, and that he quite possibly will have the opportunity to, literally, change the world.

And in the midst of it all, his grandmother, the woman he calls “Toot”, is sick, and quite probably near her death. His grandmother, the woman he credits with raising him and making him the man he is today. She will not live to see the outcome of all this work and effort. She will miss what many will say may be the  greatest moment of his life-becoming the President of the United States.

But in all likelihood Senator Obama would disagree. While an inauguration day would  no doubt be like no other, it would pale in comparison to the truly great moments of his life-moments he shared with his grandmother. Moments that are forever etched on his heart and mind.

The pundits screech about the “risks” of stepping off the campaign trail to go to his grandmother. Risks? I don’t think so. More like joy and peace-the joy of another opportunity to say I love you, and the peace that comes from knowing you were where you were supposed to be. Saying thank you, and goodbye.

May we all be so wise when the time comes.

Giving Christians a bad name.

A “white Christian nation”

Please sir, as a Christian I beg you, leave Christ out of this.

(Oh hell, forget the please. Sir, you are full of shit.)

If we reap what we sow…

I’m tired. Literally, a result of being a little under the weather.

And I’m tired, worn out, exhausted, weary. I have self-diagnosed it as Presidential Election Year Burnout. I’ve never had it before, but the symptoms are clear: I am sick of reading the papers, sick of visiting the websites, sick of the pundits and the pontificating. But mostly, I am sick of hearing about the nation that we are, still are, in 2008.

I know, I shouldn’t focus on the worst of us, but instead on the best of us, and on the possiblity that maybe, just maybe the ignorant, intellectually vapid, fear mongering, hate filled, nasty citizens will not prevail.

I don’t have a problem with Republicans, or Democrats, or Independents or with the wide chasm that separates our ideas on the world, the nation, and what we need and who we need in the White House.

I have a problem with lies, and ugliness, violence  and anger.

I so want to think we are better than this. I really really do.

http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2008/10/a-report-from-e.html

The telephone game.

I’ve come across a few people who actually believe that Barack Obama is muslim. Sadly I believe one of my own family members parrotted this absurdity to me one day.  When pressed no one can, of course, offer a single shred of evidence to support the statement. 

That’s the nature of rumors, and particularly internet rumors-they take on a life of their own regardless of whether or not there is any truth behind them.

So here at last is the history behind the muslim rumor. Are we surprised that a nutcase is behind it?

Sigh…

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/10/13/us/politics/13martin.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&hp

Surrogate Lou

 

AMEN!

Okay, so maybe there’s no Lou anymore,

http://www.tammyr2.wordpress.com/2008/07/23/wheres-lou-when-we-need-him

but there’s Andrew.

http://andrewsullivan.theatlantic.com/the_daily_dish/2008/10/when-will-the-p.html#more

R.I.P.

Say it ain’t so!!!!!

I’ll be in mourning now for a while.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=95441421&ft=1&f=1032

 

LYNN!! What will we do now?

Keating Kapers

In the midst of the current economic crisis perhaps we should remember some not-so-distant past banking activities of Senator McCain.

Keating Five ring a bell?

Are these the ethics we want residing in the White House?

http://www.keatingeconomics.com/

Talking Dick

I think I’m in love with Joe.

This was the absolute best moment of the debate last night. (At 1:11minutes into clip)

A reason to party.

BANNED BOOKS WEEK!

Actually, as the ALA points out, it should be called Challenged and Banned Books Week, but that lacks a certain zip.

I’ve waxed on about this enough around here, no need to go on about it again–
I love books, I love to read, and I think that the freedom to read what I  want when I want is one of the most important cornerstones to life in this country.

So celebrate-not that people continue to try and ban books-but that they FAIL.

Celebrate the freedom to read, to visit the local library, and to think.

http://www.ilovelibraries.org/news/topstories/bannedbooksweek.cfm

Here are the most frequently banned/challenged books of 2007 according to the ALA. (Did you know that the Holy Bible is one of the most frequently challenged books of all time-apparently it’s quite violent!)

I highly recommend them all.

Buy them at www.alibris.com or better yet visit your local library.

1. “And Tango Makes Three,” by Justin Richardson/Peter Parnell
2. “The Chocolate War,” by Robert Cormier
3. “Olive’s Ocean,” by Kevin Henkes.
4. “The Golden Compass,” by Philip Pullman
5. “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn,” by Mark Twain
6. “The Color Purple,” by Alice Walker
7. ”TTYL,” by Lauren Myracle
8. ”I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings,” by Maya Angelou
9. “It’s Perfectly Normal,” by Robie Harris
10. ”The Perks of Being A Wallflower,” by Stephen Chbosky

Jesus Weeps, and I understand why.

 

I saw this story while seated in the waiting room of the service department at my local car dealership. I kid you not I spoke outloud to the television. I was so upset I didn’t know whether to cry or vomit.

Who do these people think they are? How dare they presume to speak for God, or Christ, or anyone else for that matter.  I yelled at the tv I AM A CHRISTIAN AND I AM VOTING FOR BARACK HUSSEIN OBAMA YOU ASSHOLE. Okay, so the asshole part probably wasn’t very nice, but I get so frustrated and angry and demoralized at what people do in the name of religion.

I say if you want to preach from the pulipit fine-then PAY UP. If it means that much to you to weigh in on things PAY UP BIG. The IRS should have no qualms about revoking the tax exempt status of  the churches that want to violate the tax laws. What a boost to the federal budget that would be-at a time when every penny could help.

Better yet, revoke the tax exempt status of all  churches. If we go by what we can read in the Bible, Christ was never one for the mingling of the church and the government anyway, and that would certainly insure the true separation of church and state. No government perks for churches.

Forgive us Lord, we do know what we do-and do it anyway.

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/politics/2008/09/29/carroll.pulpit.politics.cnn

Multi-tasking 101

When I first heard of McCain’s call to postpone the debates and campaigning all I could think was “he’s running scared”. He is on the record stating that he knows very little about, and doesn’t understand, the economy. Quite naturally he doesn’t want to head into a debate about the economy at this point in time. And, I’m sure he doesn’t want the entire nation to be reminded that he was the Poster Boy for deregulation in the financial industry- and that he had a hand in bringing about this “crisis”.

I couldn’t be more pleased with Senator Obama’s response. Damn right. We need a president that can focus on more than one thing at a time and we need to see what these two are made of. Right now.

No “time outs” to run off and think. Think on your feet Senator.

 

Senator Obama:

“This is exactly the time when people need to hear from the candidates,” he said.

He added: “Part of the president’s job is to deal with more than one thing at once. In my mind it’s more important than ever.”

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/25/us/politics/25mccain.html

Change of Address

John McCain in 60 Minutes interview last night (9/21)

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/09/21/60minutes/main44463340_pages6.shtml 

Pelley: Longest you’ve lived any one place?

McCain: Hanoi. Hanoi was the longest- I lived any place, five and a half years.

Pelley: When you were in prison?

McCain: Yup, yeah, I certainly don’t wanna call that my hometown.

Nice answer, but not true anymore.

Check how long you’ve lived in Arizona Senator (or in D.C. for that matter).

With all due respect for the time you served our country and were imprisoned as a POW-stop milking it for all it’s worth sir.

Bank tellers…doctors…stock brockers…pretty much the same

Given the current state of the banking and financial markets perhaps he’d like to rethink that mantra of deregulate, deregulate, deregulate.

John McCain:

Opening up the health insurance market to more vigorous nationwide competition, as we have done over the last decade in banking, would provide more choices of innovative products less burdened by the worst excesses of state-based regulation.

http://krugman.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/09/19/mccain-on-banking-and-health/

http://www.contingencies.org/septoct08/mccain.pdf

Can old dog (without lipstick) learn new tricks

When Sarah Palin came in lacking on the facts in her interview with Charles Gibson, the McCain camp cried foul. After all, they said, she’s not the top of the ticket-she’ll learn.

Okay, McCain is the top o’the tic and he seems a little off  the mark here.

If you don’t even know what YOU do yourself, how can you teach the veep?

We’ll give you the benefit of the doubt-the young one can learn. But what about you Senator?

http://thinkprogress.org/2008/09/16/mccain-commerce-committee/

1+1=(it depends are you a donkey or an elephant?)

Never that great at math, it pleases me to have someone else crunch the numbers.

It just goes to show you that in this world of political he said/she said back and forth mud tossing there’s usually more to things than meets the eye.

But, it requires that we think.
McCain is banking that  we won’t.

http://lycanthropia.whistleandfish.com/2008/09/16/do-the-math/

Brother can you spare a dime to buy him a clue?

From Salon:

John McCain at a town hall meeting in Florida on Monday morning: “The fundamentals of our economy are strong.”

If John McCain thinks that “the fundamentals of our economy are strong,” then that phrase is effectively meaningless. Unemployment is at a five-year high, consumer spending is predicted to decline this fiscal quarter for the first time in 17 years, and we are currently undergoing the worst housing bust since the Great Depression.

http://www.salon.com/tech/htww/2008/09/15/mccain_fundamentals/index.html

From his lips to my wallet

Gas hit over $4.00 here in my part of the world.

Milk, groceries, mortgages, everything going up up up.

Wages are dropping, prices are rising.

Health care costs are soaring, health coverage disappearing.

That sort of stuff, the economics of everyday living is easy for most of us to understand.

But then today’s headlines:

Merrill Lynch forced to sell to Bank of America

Lehman files for bankruptcy.

The federal government is going to have to bail out Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac (so yes you are paying on your Freddie or Fannie mortgage for your home AND you are paying for the bail out with your tax dollars).

This is bad. Really bad. Even if we don’t understand the intricacies of the economy we know that the headline BLACK MONDAY is not good, not in the short term or the long haul.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/16/business/worldbusiness/16markets.html

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/09/15/banks.bigchanges/index.html

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/15/wall-streets-black-monday_n_126387.html

It’s the economy, stupid. Remember that?

Now’s the time to stamp it on the foreheads of the presidential candidates.

Here’s the problem.

John McCain says he doesn’t really understand the economy.

I’m going to be honest: I know a lot less about economics than I do about military and foreign policy issues. I still need to be educated,” McCain told the Wall Street Journal in late November.

In December he said, “The issue of economics is not something I’ve understood as well as I should,” as the Globe reported on its “Political Intelligence” blog at the time.

I’m going to be honest: I know a lot less about economics than I do about military and foreign policy issues. I still need to be educated,” McCain told the Wall Street Journal in late November.

And then, this is what he once said about  looking for in a running mate:

After mentioning the ability of a potential running mate to replace the president, McCain said, “You also look for people who maybe have talents you don’t, or experience or knowledge you don’t, as well.”

“What are those qualities that you don’t – that you wouldn’t mind complementing?” asked David Brooks, a columnist for The New York Times.

McCain paused. “Uh, maybe I shouldn’t say this, but, somebody who’s really well grounded in economics,” he said.

Uh, and he picked Sarah Palin?

This is serious stuff. Serious times.

We need someone who can seriously tackle the job.

That’s not McCain-Palin.

He admits it himself.

Doctors orders

Again, (yawn) what’cha hiding Senator McCain?

And yes, I think all four of the contenders should release their records,

but given his selection for Veep-McCain really really really needs to.

Ro Ro Rove the (swift)boat

Not that I believe for a moment that Rove isn’t backing all the mudthrowing 100%…

it doesn’t speak well of McCain when the king of sleaze, distortions, and ugly politics comes down against you.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/14/karl-rove-mccains-ads-hav_n_126280.html

Thou Shalt not lie-unless it’s to win.

 

Watch the video in its entirety. (Thanks Harry)

Think about this whenever you hear the words I approved this message.

Don’t believe what you hear-read, research, check and recheck.

Find out the truth-and the lies.

Then decide.

Do we need another four years of being lied to?

http://lycanthropia.whistleandfish.com/2008/09/14/exodus-2016-pt-2/

Forget Palin

and the glass ceiling, and pigs with lipstick, and cries of SEXISM.

It is all really rather stupid when you stop and think about the lives of girls all over the world.

 

http://www.girleffect.org

Unconscionable

http://icouldbetheveep.wordpress.com/2008/09/13/unconscionable/

Pretend I didn’t say that.

The what I said about him doesn’t apply to her routine is getting old old old.

Make up your mind John.
Which is it?

John McCain:

 ”I am prepared. I am prepared. I need no on-the-job training. I wasn’t a mayor for a short period of time. I wasn’t a governor for a short period of time.”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/12/mccain-last-year-mayors-a_n_125944.html

Change in wolf’s clothing.

1. A lobbyist.

2 .Been in working for Republicans in Washington since god.

Yeah, that sounds like change.

A prominent Washington lobbyist who has worked for every Republican president since Richard Nixon has been tapped by the McCain campaign to conduct a study in preparation for the presidential transition, should John McCain win the election, according to sources familiar with the process.

William E. Timmons, Sr. is a Washington institution, having worked in the Nixon and Ford administrations as an aide for congressional relations, and assisted the transition teams of both Ronald Reagan in 1980 and George W. Bush in 2000. He was also a senior adviser to both Vice President George Bush in 1988 and Senator Bob Dole in 1996.

 

http://www.time-blog.com/swampland/2008/09/mccain_taps_lobbyist_for_trans.html

Reading between the lines

As I tell my daughters often-just because it’s on tv doesn’t make it true.

That is especially the case with political advertising. We all know it, there’s no secret. It’s spin spin spin. What’s interesting is just how elaborate the spin can be.

In the rather disgusting ad that McCain ran recently on Obama, education, and specifically sex-education the campaign quotes a lot of sources about Obama and his record on education. The purpose of utilizing quotes in political commercials is to give the ads a ring of authority-as if to say I’m not saying this, it’s the Wall Street Journal, so you know it’s true.

Interestingly, the very articles the McCain camp uses to criticize Obama contained a lot of other quotes that were conveniently left out of the ad. Quotes that are actually more critical of McCain on education than Obama.

But, we didn’t expect them to mention that did  we?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/09/09/mccain-ad-cites-articles_n_125218.html

Megan your freudian slip is showing.

I’m sure it was an innocent mis-speak.
Surely she didn’t mean it?

Only her family knows about war- “Period“

No, just a slip of the tongue-right?

But note to daddy: You might want to have Megan stick to her “blog-ette”.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMxp5UkeGCc

Small town values?

News outlets are emphasizing the fact that Palin apparently quoted a known anti-semite in her speech at the RNC. But I liked this article for the points it makes about the economics of small town America. Palin makes a good speech, but the Republican party can’t back it up.

http://www.wsj.com/article/SB122100226859616967.html?mod=hpp_us_inside_today

Sticks and stones

Here’s my take on all the stupid clamour about lipstick comments, sexism, and dirty politics.

http://icouldbetheveep.wordpress.com/2008/09/10/sticks-and-stones/

This little piggie had O-R-E-Os

 

Finally, economics that I understand. And my favorite cookies too!

http://lycanthropia.whistleandfish.com/2008/09/10/of-cookies-pigs-and-lipstick/

Cut from the same cloth.

Very interesting reading, though I am sure the concept will be dismissed out of hand.

http://www.salon.com/opinion/feature/2008/09/09/palin_fundamentalist/

Salon…

Palin has a right to her religious beliefs, as do fundamentalist Muslims who agree with her on so many issues of social policy. None of them has a right, however, to impose their beliefs on others by capturing and deploying the executive power of the state. The most noxious belief that Palin shares with Muslim fundamentalists is her conviction that faith is not a private affair of individuals but rather a moral imperative that believers should import into statecraft wherever they have the opportunity to do so. That is the point of her pledge to shape the judiciary. Such a theocratic impulse is incompatible with the Founding Fathers’ commitment to tolerance and democracy, which is why they forbade the government to “establish” or officially support any particular religion or denomination.

McCain once excoriated the Rev. Jerry Falwell and his ilk as “agents of intolerance.” That he took such a position gave his opposition to similar intolerance in Islam credibility. In light of his more recent disgraceful kowtowing to the Christian right, McCain’s animus against fundamentalist Muslims no longer looks consistent. It looks bigoted and invidious. You can’t say you are waging a war on religious extremism if you are trying to put a religious extremist a heartbeat away from the presidency.

So what can we talk about?

From CNN

Joe Biden:

“I hear all this talk about how the Republicans are going to work in dealing with parents who have both the joy…and the difficulty of raising a child who has a developmental disability, who were born with a birth defect,” he said. “Well, guess what folks? If you care about it, why don’t you support stem cell research?”

Biden spokesman David Wade insisted Tuesday the Delaware senator’s comments were not directed at Palin.

“This is a clash of policies, not a clash of personalities,” Wade said. “We’ve heard not a dime’s worth of difference between the McCain-Palin ticket and the Bush Administration on medical breakthroughs that millions of parents

The response:

Barack Obama’s running mate sunk to a new low today launching an offensive debate over who cares more about special needs children,” McCain-Palin spokesman Ben Porritt said.

http://www.politicalticket.blogs.com.cnn.com/2008/09/09/mccain-camp-says-biden-sunk-to-a-new-low/

How is that a “new low”?
The issue of stem cell research is a legitimate one, and how the McCain-Palin ticket plans to address such is an issue many of us would like to hear about.

Does the fact that Gov. Palin has a child with a disability mean the subject is off limits?

Then does that also mean that we can’t discuss:

1 . Birth control and sex education, abortion, or funding for programs serving pregnant and parenting teens,  since her daughter is pregnant.                                              

2. All subjects relating to the elderly because McCain is old.

3.Any gender issues-especially equal pay for equal work since Palin is female.

4. Any issues in the “culture” war-like marriage-since John McCain is on wife number 2 (having committed adultery you know)

5. Global warming. Why? Because it’s cold where Sarah Palin lives.

6. Money, since McCain has lots of it.

7. Religion-since Palin has lots of it.

8. The war. Since Palin has already said she hasn’t given it much thought. So that wouldn’t be fair either.

9. All child welfare issues-since Palin has lots of children.

10. The military. Since John McCain was a POW-it might be sensitive issue for him.

Come on, stop coddling Palin, stop whining and discuss the issues PLEASE.

Then again, we must remember the words of McCain’s manager-it’s not about the issues-it’s about personality!

Rick Davis, campaign manager for John McCain’s presidential bid, insisted that the presidential race will be decided more over personalities than issues during an interview with Post editors this morning.

“This election is not about issues,” said Davis. “This election is about a composite view of what people take away from these candidates.”

Davis added that issues will no doubt play a major role in the decisions undecided voters will make but that they won’t ultimately be conclusive. He added that the campaign has “ultimate faith” in the idea that the more voters get to know McCain and Barack Obama, the better the Republican nominee will do.

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/thefix/2008/09/mccain_manager_this_election_i.html

Both sides of her mouth-ette

The perhaps you should take little seven year old Piper Palin off your “blogette”

http://www.people.com/people/article/0,,20224394,00.html?xid=rss-topheadlines

And not a drop to drink.

Maybe while we’re over there “surging” do you think we could do something about the water?

http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/meast/11/29/iraq.main/index.html

 

And yes, I read the email, and yes it’s a hassle, but Palin is being quarantined over there. Only 57 more days (hopefully).  www.icouldbetheveep.wordpress.com

Not on the potty

I love Opus.

And profound.

Where do I want to be in the end?

 

 

http://www.salon.com/comics/opus/2008/09/07/opus/

A not so funny about money.

It may be funny to Mr. Thompson and the delegates of the RNC, and maybe even McCain/Palin, but to the millions of Americans struggling in this economy I doubt it’s funny at all.

From Fred Thompson’s speech to the RNC:

We do so while taking a different view of our country than that of the other party. Listening to them, you’d think that we were in the middle of a Great Depression — (laughter) — that we’re down, disrespected, incapable of prevailing against challenges that face us. Now, we know that we have challenges. Always have, always will. But we also know that we live in the freest, strongest, most generous and prosperous nation in the history of the world and we’re thankful for that. (Cheers, applause.)

Text of his speech: http://www.latimes.com/news/politics/la-na-thompsontranscript3-2008sep03,0,2929863.story

Unemployment figures released today:http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/06/business/economy/06econ.html?hp

The stock market today: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/06/business/worldbusiness/06asia.html?ref=business

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26561269/  And on the housing front.

Mums the word from the hockey mom

 

From MSNBC. Italics added are mine for emphasis.

*** Waiting for the interview: There are now about 60 days until Election Day and just three weeks until the debates. And who knows whether we’ll get the first Sarah Palin serious issue interview before then. This morning on JOE, McCain manager Rick Davis wouldn’t commit to putting her out to media interviews unless they saw it as helping their campaign. This Sunday is interesting in that three of the four principles are doing sunday shows, the lone holdout: Palin.

My question is this: Why wouldn’t she be a help to your campaign? If she’s ready to go on day one, ready to be the veep, ready to be the pres, then why isn’t she ready to face the press? If you don’t see it as “being a help” does that mean you think she’ll be a problem? Mistake? Hindrance?

http://firstread.msnbc.msn.com/archive/2008/09.aspx

Her name is CINDY sir.

Last night Cindy McCain said in her speech that  husband John is a man who always tells the truth.

In The Real McCain Cliff Schecter recounts the day when in 1992 Senator McCain (in the presence of reporters) called his wife the most vile word in the world-a c**t and a trollop. He has repeatedly been asked to deny this-asked out right did you call your wife these things-and he refuses to deny it. His excuse for the comment-he was tired and it had been a long day.  Cindy McCain has never denied the story and none of the reporters involved have  either.

A long day as an excuse for calling your own wife such- it’s abusive, plain and simple.

Cindy, John McCain may be a man who always tells the truth, except for one day.

I assure you-except for one day, that day.

I hope you never let him utter that word to you again. You are better than that. Every woman on earth is better than that.

Georgia on everyone’s mind.

With apologies to the world. I live in this state, but I PROMISE some of us have brains and use them.

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/the-trail/2008/09/04/georgia_gop_congressman_calls.html

Sad but funny

What’s sad is it is not only hysterical, but it’s true.

If I had the least bit of tech savvy I’d post the video here. But…

So go visit it here on Harry’s page   http://lycanthropia.whistleandfish.com/2008/09/04/top-40-radio/

or over at Comedy Central.

http://www.thedailyshow.com/video/index.jhtml?videoId=184086&title=sarah-palin-gender-card

In the midst of it all it really does help to laugh.

Apply lipstick then kiss my bumper sticker.

Over the course of my life I have volunteered for campaigns at the  local, state, and federal level. I have dialed the phone, stuffed envelopes, put up signs, and written letters. I have cared passionately about who won what races, and back in my younger days when I believed in a micro-managing god I even prayed. (Please God let Newt Gingrich beat Herman Talmadge. That was a long time ago)

But there are two things I have never done-until today.

1. Contributed to a political campaign

2.  Put a bumper sticker on my car.

There it is. Ready for my car (I really have to clean a spot on the window).

My youngest and I stopped by the Obama 08 office here in town. We volunteered to work, and then we bought stickers and buttons and then I cut a check.

On my budget I can assure you it wasn’t much, but it was my first monetary contribution ever.

Why?

Well I became an Obama supporter when John Edwards dropped out, but was not passionately, violently, bumper sticker-esque  enthusiastic in my support. Then

Sarah Palin.

That’s all.

Sarah Palin a heartbeat away from the presidency when her resume is weaker than most of the “working women” and “hockey moms” that I know.
Sarah Palin who wanted to ban books.

Sarah Palin who is opposed to sex education that is not abstinence based.

Sarah Palin who doesn’t believe global warming is man made and wants creationism taught in schools.

Sarah Palin who has no foreign policy experience (but hey, she lives next to Russia).

Sarah Palin who said she “hadn’t given much thought” to the Iraq war.

Sarah Palin who said she didn’t really know what the Vice President’s job entails.

Sarah Palin who sneered at community organizers in her speech. (Jane Addams the mother of social work-my profession- is rolling over in her grave. )

 Sarah Palin who does not “ resonate” with all women just because she’s a woman, a mom, a working mom, or whatever label you want to use.

And just so you know Sarah-LIPSTICK is not what differentiates a hockey mom from a pit bull  -it’s a thinking rational brain. 

 I’ve got one, millions of women around this nation have one, and we are going to put it to use on election day.

Meet the Press

According to the McCain camp “the media ” needs to lay-of the “smear” campaign and the “attacks” on VP Candidate Governor Sarah Palin. What?  So they can dish it out but can’t take it?

Here’s what I think-finally BRAVO to “the media”. That’s their/its job. After years of tippy-toe dancing around the Bush Administration they are finally getting off their asses and doing what journalists are supposed to do-question question question. Then-inform the rest of us.

McCain can cancel all the interviews he wants in a petulant rage against Campbell Brown and CNN. They can hole Palin away in a hotel room and never have her get face- to -face on Face the Nation or anywhere else for that matter. But if they do, hide that is, it leaves the rest of us wondering-what’s up with you guys? I say if you want the “smear campaign” against Governor Palin to stop, then come out and talk about the issues. Make the McCain-Palin camp talk about the economy, the war, taxes, mortgage foreclosures, the state of the world, the state of the nation. Go on the record with plans and specifics (and please answer the whole book-banning issue). Give the media the answers to the questions they are asking and then talk about what you want to accomplish if elected-and make this about the issues not the personalities and not the culture wars.

After all, your guy is the one who said voters would decide not on the “issues” but on “personalities”-but you don’t want any reporting on personalities? http://www.voices.washingtonpost.com/thefix/2008/09/mccain_manager_this_election_i.html

Transparency goes a long way and certainly beats whining leave her alone or we won’t play.

Lou would be proud. http://www.tammyr2.wordpress.com/2008/07/23/wheres-lou-when-we-need-him/

http://www.time-blog.com/swampland/2008/09/angry_amateurs.html

Shhhh be quiet no more!

Forget putting these links on my other voices page. This is important, front and center.

Here are just a few voices on the subject, mostly from librarians. I love librarians, people who dedicate themselves to introducing children (and all of us to books and information-how great is that?)  Most of them start their writings by saying that they are reluctant to “get political” on their blogs. I understand that-but now is the time to do just that. This is serious.  If Governor Palin would attempt to ban books and pressure a librarian while a small town mayor, what would she do with the power of the presidency? 

One post lists the books that Governor Palin (as Mayor) sought to ban. I haven’t seen the list verified yet-but if any portion of it is true my heart aches.

Get the word out.

http://bookdweeb.wordpress.com/2008/09/04/sarah-palin-banning-books-and-the-impact-on-public-libraries/

http://genneaux.wordpress.com/2008/09/03/i-have-some-rhetoric-for-you/ 

http://librarianinblack.typepad.com/librarianinblack/

http://www.librarian.net/stax/2366/sarah-palin-vp-nominee/

The Censor -in- Chief

I’ve written on this subject before( http://tammyr2.wordpress.com/2008/06/30/164/ )and my love of books and reading, and intellectual freedom is no secret. And libraries! I can still close my eyes and smell the library of my youth. One of life’s true joys is finding the next great read sitting on the shelf just waiting for me me me to check it out.

 When I heard about this from Harry I swear I felt my heart stop beating in my chest. 

There is nothing I could say to improve on this post from http://lycanthropia.whistleandfish.com/. It is appropriately titled “The Horror…the horror.”

Courting the under seven vote.

So the McCain camp and the RNC delegates continue to shout LEAVE THE KIDS OUT OF IT. And Obama says LEAVE THE KIDS OUT OF IT.

I think someone forgot to tell the McCains.

Last nights RNC video “about dad” could have been titled “All about the adoption of our daughter”. It had a very eeeeww exploitative feel especially given how we have seen virtually nothing of this daughter thus far. Hell they didn’t even have her on stage alongside Meghan for the big VP announce.  But, mom and dad approved it. So…

I think someone forgot to tell Governor Palin.

On Meghan McCain’s “blogette” is a video that prominently features little Piper Palin. At the end Piper encourages us to vote for her mom. She’s really cute.

Hello LEAVE THE KIDS OUT OF IT. Meghan’s an adult, Piper is seven. http://www.mccainblogette.com/index.shtml

Now I know that the children of candidates (in both parties) inevitably end up on tv and in the print media. Their parents dress them up and trot them out to wave and be cute in order to show the “human” side of the candidates. Okay, then do that, but then DON’T COMPLAIN ABOUT IT if the coverage moves from cute to cut throat. (Governor Palin’s kids aren’t the first to be skewered-remember poor Amy Carter? )

Piper is seven. I’m sure she thinks it is cool and neat to be on MySpace and in the middle of all this action. However, it is up to the adults in her life to stop and think. Is it cute and fun or is it exploiting the kids for a vote?

If we can’t talk about the Bristol the pregnant one, or Trig the baby, then perhaps they shouldn’t put little Piper on MySpace for the whole world to see.

Vote for my mom! It’s cute but

Shouldn’t she be in school???

OH! It’s not about national security, its about congeniality.

Oh this bothers me on sooooo many levels.

Not about the issues?
Then god help us all and this country too if we aren’t electing our next President on the issues. This is not a popularity contest to see who gets to run the Student Body. It’s the PRESIDENCY OF THE UNITED STATES.

And and and exactly what is a “masculine speech”?

I don’t know if I’ll make it to November without busting a vessel.

 

Rick Davis, campaign manager for John McCain’s presidential bid, insisted that the presidential race will be decided more over personalities than issues during an interview with Post editors this morning.

“This election is not about issues,” said Davis. “This election is about a composite view of what people take away from these candidates.”

Davis added that issues will no doubt play a major role in the decisions undecided voters will make but that they won’t ultimately be conclusive. He added that the campaign has “ultimate faith” in the idea that the more voters get to know McCain and Barack Obama, the better the Republican nominee will do.

Davis generally dismissed the controversies surrounding McCain’s vice presidential pick — Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin — as a media creation but did acknowledge that her acceptance speech, which seems likely to come tomorrow, is critically important to defining who she is to the American public.

As for the speech itself, Davis said a generic, “masculine” speech was being prepared before the pick was made and, now that Palin is the choice, she is adapting the speech to her own needs and personality.

http://voices.washingtonpost.com/thefix/2008/09/mccain_manager_this_election_i.html

43 going on 17

All this talk of seventeen year old Bristol Palin is getting old. Well , actually, I am getting old. Oh to be seventeen again…

So leaving the Palins, the McCains, the RNC, and all that behind for a moment let’s return to Jim’s (www.ofkingsandcarnies.com) meme started over at the Pub (http://lycanthropia.whistleandfish.com/).

You recall ( http://tammyr2.wordpress.com/2008/08/27/here-we-go-again/ )question number two:

Remember the first time your heart flitted for someone else? The first pangs of attraction? Maybe it was just giddy infatuation, who knows? But you knew something was different and you knew life was never going to be the same again. Tell me that story.

Well Jim, I’ll tell you the story, sort of. (Because I want to talk about being 17 it fits you know.)

The first time my heart flitted was at some ridiculously young age so that doesn’t count. I was 8-ish and had a giant crush on my eighteen year old second cousin. I thought he was the greatest thing–so my heart flitted at all the family functions. As is well known in family circles that one lasted a long time-despite the manifold protestations of his sister (the cousin I hung out with. Eeewwww he’s my brother…).  So yes, life as I knew it was changed forever. Out of that I believe I developed my fondness for tall men and my determination to love only guitar players. (Alas, life didn’t go that way either).

Then, in keeping with the theme of way-too-old-for-me I moved on to a crush on my junior high drama coach. Where oh where is he now?  Dismissing those two, and a few other completely absurd incidences of pre-pubescent goo-goo eyes ( including Billy now known as Ray over at www.raysweat.wordpress.com. He was my big brother’s friend, doesn’t every girl have to have a crush on at least one friend of her brother?) we shall jump to being seventeen (see the connection!?)

I was seventeen in September of 1981. The days of big hair, blue eyeshadow, really bad fashions, and my senior year of high school. That year, 1981, I was in love. LOVE with a capital L so I said. The kind of love that has a girl writing notes to her best friend (that would be Pam) pinning away wondering why oh why doesn’t he love me?”  The kind of love that finds her doodling his name and drawing cute little hearts around it (although I don’t think I was the cute hearts kind of girl-I took myself way too seriously). The kind of love that, in reality, would probably violate many of today’s stalking laws.  I LOVED, and had for a number of years at that point, Ronnie (no last name to protect the innocent).

I don’t recall exactly when it happened, but I do know where. Church. Ronnie sang in the youth choir and one day I looked over (where I was standing mouthing the words-another long story) and BANG. I mean BANG. My heart felt like it was in a vice grip and I knew he was THE ONE. I’m not sure what it was about him, though I believe he did play the guitar, sing, and was very tall.  RonnieRonnieRonnieRonnie. For years. (Don’t believe me-ask Pam. ) I carried a torch for him through high school, and into college. I was well into my sophomore year and dating other guys before I truly let go of RonnieRonnieRonnie. I prayed Please God let Ronnie love me. (Back then I believed in a micro-managing God). I BELIEVED. 

But… he never did. Love me that is. Looking back I realize I made a few tactical mistakes:

1. I made it very very clear to Ronnie and the entire world I LOVED HIM. (What’s the adage- men want what they can’t have?)

2. I made it very very clear…(no wait, I already said that).

He knew. Let’s just say that where there was Ronnie-look over to the left and there was Tammy. His sisters knew, his mother knew-and they ran a great campaign on my behalf. His friends knew, my friends knew, everyone knew and everyone most likely wanted to scream ENOUGH ALREADY GET OVER HIM.

I don’t think I ever “got over” Ronnie, I think time just took a natural course, sort of out -of -sight- out -of – mind. And, of course, I started meeting other people and my tastes changed- or I discovered my tastes, one or the other. Given that I never really knew Ronnie that well I couldn’t say we were meant for each other, or for that matter had a single thing in common. There was just something about him.

I do know this-at seventeen I thought he was IT; and at seventeen had I been stupid enough to crawl into the backseat with him resulting in an unplanned pregnancy- my life would have been OVER.  Ronnie may have been the perfect first love (is it love if the other person doesn’t want to give you the time of day and is prone to saying “it’s not happening Tammy”??) but he would not have made the perfect mate for life. It is a rare thing that the high school love becomes the forever love. It takes special people who work and work and work at it each and every day. Marriage is hard work, love is hard work, forever is really hard work.

So I feel for  Bristol Palin. I bet she loves her boyfriend. I bet she thinks he is just dreamy in his football uniform (Ronnie was a swimmer-tiny tiny speedo….). I bet she’s wishing she hadn’t listened to her mother and had said to Mr. Wonderful-here put this on. Or maybe not.

But, regardless, her life will never be the same. I find that sad. If for no other reason then she will never really know. Neither of them will. Is it love, the kind that lasts forever, or love, the kind you remember fondly when you are forty three? They’ll never know that. What they will know is it was the love that started pure, and then the adults jumped in.

Married, like it or not.

What a tough way to be seventeen.
In love, scared, and the whole world watching.

Had it been me and Ronnie-it would never have worked.
Thankfully it wasn’t. (His loss.)

Because I said so, that’s why. A mother’s mantra.

STOP SAYING THAT!

The talking point now out of the RNC, James Dobson, et al is how proud they are of young Ms. Palin’s “choice”. That she “chose life”. Chose it? Rather than what?

Her mother is on the record as being anti-abortion NO MATTER WHAT. The only exception – if the life of the mother is in jeopardy. She is on the record as saying even if HER OWN DAUGHTER were raped she would not approve of abortion.

Given that, knowing that, did her daughter really have any choice?

I’m 43 years old and I’m still scared of my parents! Come on, remember being 17? 17 and having to tell your mother your pregnant out of wedlock is one thing. Having to tell her when she is a Governor is another, and a Governor on the record of expecting you to keep your child if you were raped? HELP!

The poor girl had no choice. Her parents made the choice. So applaud Governor Palin all you want for choosing life, but stop saying it’s the daughter’s choice. And for the love of all that is holy-stop applauding the fact that she has “chosen” to marry the baby’s father.

The boy and he is a  BOY doesn’t want to be married, or having babies, or be in the national spotlight. The Palin family are a smart bunch of cookies-so Mr. McCain wants us to think-certainly they can come up with a solution that will choose life for the baby, the daughter, and the boyfriend that does not involve making two young people take a sacred vow under the scrutiny of the entire world. Talk about a shotgun wedding!

The fifth runner-up.

Again-pandering to a one-issue voting block?
Or, maybe he  agrees with Sarah Palin and the Alaskan Independence Party (Palin was a member)-Alaska should secede from the US and become an independent nation (or at least allow them to vote on it they say!)

http://www.akip.org

(Country first, no wait, Alaska first, no Sarah first. Oh hell, I can’t keep up.)

 
If he wanted one of the guys, he should have gone with one of the guys.

Does he not trust his own instincts? Does he only listen to the conservative base that he is trying to “win over”?

Is he prone to making hasty, poorly analyzed or thoughtless decisions?

I hope note. That’s not what we need in a President.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/09/02/us/politics/02vetting.html?_r=1&hp&oref=slogin

At the least, Republicans close to the campaign said it was increasingly apparent that Ms. Palin had been selected as Mr. McCain’s running mate with more haste than McCain advisers initially described.

Up until midweek last week, some 48 to 72 hours before Mr. McCain introduced Ms. Palin at a Friday rally in Dayton, Ohio, Mr. McCain was still holding out the hope that he could choose a good friend, Senator Joseph I. Lieberman, independent of Connecticut, a Republican close to the campaign said. Mr. McCain had also been interested in another favorite, former Gov. Tom Ridge of Pennsylvania.

But both men favor abortion rights, anathema to the Christian conservatives who make up a crucial base of the Republican Party. As word leaked out that Mr. McCain was seriously considering the men, the campaign was bombarded by outrage from influential conservatives who predicted an explosive floor fight at the convention and vowed rejection of Mr. Ridge or Mr. Lieberman by the delegates.

Perhaps more important, several Republicans said, Mr. McCain was getting advice that if he did not do something to shake up the race, his campaign would be stuck on a potentially losing trajectory.

With time running out — and as Mr. McCain discarded two safer choices, Gov. Tim Pawlenty of Minnesota and former Gov. Mitt Romney of Massachusetts, as too predictable — he turned to Ms. Palin. He had his first face-to-face interview with her on Thursday and offered her the job moments later. Advisers to Mr. Pawlenty and another of the finalists on Mr. McCain’s list described an intensive vetting process for those candidates that lasted one to two months.

“They didn’t seriously consider her until four or five days from the time she was picked, before she was asked, maybe the Thursday or Friday before,” said a Republican close to the campaign. “This was really kind of rushed at the end, because John didn’t get what he wanted. He wanted to do Joe or Ridge.”

I know but do you know and does he know?

Well we  must give Governor Palin credit for this much: She knows where she stands.

Senator McCain however–not so much so.
First he was opposed to overturning Roe v. Wade, then he was for it.

Asked whether he supported President Bush’s abstinence only policies he said he didn’t know;  and when asked if he believed that the use of condoms helps reduce the transmission of STD’s he said he didn’t know.

The reporter followed up by inquiring whether McCain supports sex education that candidly discusses contraception and preventing the spread of AIDS and other disease, or whether he backs President Bush’s abstinence-only education program. After a long pause, he said, “I think I support the president’s policy.” Does he believe that contraceptives help stop the spread of HIV? After another long pause, -”You’ve stumped me.”

That was too bizarre for the startled journalist. “I mean, I think you’d probably agree it probably does help stop it?” Realizing how foolish he sounded, the senator had a ready quip. “Are we on the Straight Talk Express?” Still, he stuck to his muddled answer: “I’m not informed enough on it. Let me find out. You know, I’m sure I’ve taken a position on it in the past. I have to find out what my position was. Brian, would you find out what my position is on contraception — I’m sure I’m opposed to government spending on it, I’m sure I support the president’s policies on it.”

http://www.salon.com/opinion/conason/2008/04/11/mccain_abortion/

HE DOESN’T KNOW?

One thing he does know– how much he enjoyed the “nocturnal sojourns” of his high school days and his fondness for a stripper named “Flame of Florida”. So while he wants to preach to the young people of today about abstinence and self-control, he reserves the right to brag about his youth and then offer the caveat but I’m all grown up now.

http://www.time.com/time/politics/article/0,8599,1727868,00.html

He doesn’t know?

Note to Mrs. McCain: It’s time to have “the talk” with your son please.

It’s time to stop Just saying No.

I have written here at length on how I feel about abstinence only sex education. I believe deeply and passionately in the importance of educating young men and women about birth control and the absolute need to insure that  we do everything we can to reduce the number of unplanned/unwanted pregnancies in this country.  Objective studies have over and over again proven that abstinence only sex education has not been effective in reducing teen sexual activity or unplanned/unwanted teen pregnancies.

Governor Sarah Palin has been a lifelong advocate of abstinence only sex education. Clearly it has not worked in her own home. My heart goes out to  her seventeen year old daughter. Dare I say that perhaps had she felt she could have turned to her parents for open, honest communication about sexual activity that she might not be faced with motherhood at the age of seventeen, and marriage on top of that. 

Ms. Palin and many of her “conservative” supporters rally around the “pro-life” cause to the extent that they may well be considered a one-cause voting base. It is time that everyone realize that arguing about Roe V Wade and abortion is for naught. Not a single republican president or House/Senate lead by republicans has done one thing to overturn Roe V. Wade or to reduce the number of abortions in this country. They haven’t and they won’t. Neither will the democrats. Maybe it’s time to listen to voices like that of  Senator Obama who say that, while we may disagree about abortion policy , we can all agree that we need to work toward reducing the number of unwanted pregnancies in this country.

Too late for the Palin family, but not for countless other young people who need to know that if they cannot abstain from sexual activity (the best choice for preventing pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases) there are choices other than parenthood and marriage. The answer is in educating our young people and talking talking talking and then listening listening listening.

And this makes me wonder- can we truly believe that the McCain camp sufficiently vetted Governor Palin? I find it impossible to believe that Senator McCain, his advisors, and specifically his far right conservative party members, would have allowed Governor Palin’s selection in light of this recent news.  This speaks of Senator McCain’s decision making skills at the very least, and to Governor Palin’s honesty and willingness to put “Country First.” Had she truly had the best interests of the nation and the office of the VP and that of the Presidency in her mind (and not that of her own rising star), then she would have made this information clear from day one.

And, speaking as a mother, if she were the uber-mom she portrays herself to be, she would not be  running for Veep. She’d say family first, country second, and right now my family needs me.   And YES, I would expect the same of a man in the same position.

http://thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/09/01/palins-17-year-old-daughter-is-pregnant/?hp

Are you there God? It’s me…and I’m disgusted too.

First a Focus on the Family executive calls for prayer that “rain of biblical proportions” would occur during Senator Obama’s speech during the DNC. Later he said he was trying to be funny-didn’t mean any harm.

Then DNC National Chair Don Fowler and Congressman John Spratt of South Carolina had this conversation about Gustav:

The hurricane’s going to hit New Orleans about the time they start. [Chuckle] The timing is — at least it appears now that it’ll be there Monday. That just demonstrates that God’s on our side. [Laughter]

Then filmmaker Micheal Moore weighs in:

I was just thinking, this Gustav is proof that there is a God in heaven,” Moore said, laughing. “To have it planned at the same time – that it would actually be on its way to New Orleans for day one of the Republican Convention, up in the Twin Cities – at the top of the Mississippi River.”

It just goes to show you there are assholes (or feel free to insert the expletive of your choice here) in both parties. Democrats, Republicans, even “Christian” exec’s demonstrate that mankind is full of (insert expletive of your choice again).

This is why I hate politics. Stupid stupid people all thinking that God is on their side. God doesn’t give a damn about American politics. God is not a Democrat or a Republican.God isn’t an American.God is not Baptist, Mormon, Catholic, Presbyterian, a Druid, or any other organized religion/faith/doctrine/group.  God is neither “conservative” or “liberal”, and hurricanes, rain and other such forces aren’t acts of God. It’s weather, it’s science. God doesn’t listen to us (insert expletive of choice here) when we pray for rain or parking spaces at the mall (yes people do that) or to win the lottery or even to make our candidate win.

If I could be so presumptuous to imagine what God is feeling about now:  Mortified.

God is mortified that he had anything to do with the creation of a bunch of (insert expletive of choice here once more.)

On behalf of all of us God,

I’m sorry.

Poisson Rouge

On a totally different front…

My little one came home from school Friday and asked me how to say Red Fish in French. I told her and she said, I want to go to that web site.  Turns out her music teacher had visited it with them in school earlier in the day.

It is in French, the games, the music, the art– but that doesn’t seem to stop the youngsters. Baby girl loves it-so if you have little ones I recommend you check it out. And even if you don’t, go paint a picture or sing along to a song. It’s infinitely more fun than reviewing today’s headlines.

 

 

http://www.poissonrouge.com/

Take me to the river-and step on it.

From the McCain camp on plans for the convention in light of Gustav:

They are also hoping to get McCain himself to a storm-affected area as soon as possible.

So it hasn’t hit yet, and McCain’s planning to sprint to the storm affected area as soon as possible. To what? Pitch in to help? Have his picture made comforting the folks of New Orleans? To beg and grovel and apologize for the abyssmal response of George and Brownie pre and post Katrina?

Check out what McCain was doing while Katrina was pounding New Orleans:

 

 

That’s a pic straight from the White House web site. McCain and Bush on McCain’s birthday as New Orleans was being washed away.

 

 

He’s contemplating turning the convention into a “fundraiser” of sorts should Gustav hit. Interesting in light of his voting record against aid to the people of New Orleans and any investigation of the levee disaster.

I may not get any sleep between now and November. And as much as I don’t want McCain-Palin in the White House, I find I’m already praying for a long life and good health for Senator McCain– just in case.

http://politicalticker.blogs.cnn.com/2008/08/30/gop-officials-say-gustav-likely-to-force-convention-changes/#more-15540

Operation Evacuate the Convention

The presumptive Republican Presidential nominee said that he is considering postponing the Republican National Convention in light of the potential devastation that Hurricane Gustav might bring to the Gulf Coast as early as Tuesday. He says it wouldn’t be appropriate.

I think he’s hoping to avoid one giant painful reminder of what happened when Hurricane Katrina hit and  President George W. Bush sat on his hands while an American city washed away. (And for that matter continues to do so while the city rots in disrepair. “Good job Brownie.”)

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/08/30/mccain-i-may-postpone-con_n_122675.html

Any brassiere in a storm (I mean election)

I’m still stunned and virtually speechless, drooling on the couch trying to figure out how someone with less experience than many of the women I ‘ve worked with in my life has ended up one cancer cell away from the presidency.  I almost want to send an apology note to Condoleeza Rice, Kay Bailey Hutchison, Elizabeth Dole, Christine Todd  Whitman, and all the rest of intelligent, talented, competent and experienced Republican women passed by,  even though I had nothing to do with Governor Palin’s selection.

So here’s a read from Salon that I liked. It articulates things rolling around in my mind better than I could. I especially like the point-those of us who were Hillary supporters were admirerers of her knowledge, her experience, her political ideaology, not her vagina. It is insulting at best to think any woman would do, and especially a conservative, right-wing, anti-choice, doesn’t believe in global warming, wants to teach creationism in schools, gun toting, former mayor of a town smaller than my backyard woman. We may have wished Sen. Obama had picked Senator Clinton as veep, but we are not stupid. It’s about the brain not the bustline Senator McCain.

Not a big Reagan fan myself, but since he seems to be the voice everyone in the Republican party likes to turn to for wisdom and insight- let’s look back in history.

From Salon

Looking back on the Ferraro nomination, another well-known conservative wrote: “I believe that someday we are going to have a woman president, possibly during my life, and I’ve often thought the best way to pave the way for this was to first nominate and elect a woman as vice-president. But I think Mondale made a serious mistake when he picked Geraldine Ferraro as his running mate. In my view, he guessed wrong in deciding to take a congresswoman that almost nobody had ever heard of and try to put her in line for the presidency … I don’t know who among the Democrats might have been a better choice, but it was obvious Mondale picked Geraldine Ferraro simply because he believed there was a ‘gender gap’ where I was concerned and she was a woman.”

Those are the words of Ronald Reagan in his 1991 memoir, “An American Life,” pouring scorn on the nomination of a woman who had served six years in Congress working on foreign policy issues. In retrospect, he had a point. Only this Palin gambit could make the Ferraro mistake look responsible and wise.

http://www.salon.com/opinion/conason/2008/08/30/palin/

Perhaps the Gipper was right.

Ovaries that have gone before

Well I just heard from a girlfriend weeping and asking me Isn’t this wonderful? Isn’t this historic?

Then I heard John McCain talk about his historic choice.

Now for a history lesson:

 

1872 Victoria Woodhull the first of MANY women to run for president.

1980 Geraldine Ferraro the first woman on a “major party” ticket.

And of course, Senator Clinton.

I couldn’t be more thrilled to have a woman on a ticket, potentially the first woman president given the realities of Sen. McCain’s health. I couldn’t be more thrilled to have the first African-American at the top of the ticket for president. I can’t wait to talk to my daughters about this. It’s a very exciting time, with a lot at stake- but historical?

Not for those who know their history.

The road was paved long before Ms. Palin.

She’s hot hot hot.

All I can say is I can’t wait for the debates. Have at her Senator Biden.

Now I didn’t call her Hot-that’s Alaska magazine’s idea.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now I wonder, how will all the self-identified conservative “christians” who screeched that Hillary couldn’t be president because we couldn’t dare trust a woman to hold the office of the presidency going to feel now?44, no experience, a mother of young children (and wasn’t it uber-conservative Republican  Phyllis Schlafly  who said women need to be home raising their babies?) a heart-beat away from the Presidency-and a weak heartbeat at that. Suddenly it will become well, we meant a democrat woman, or a pro-choice woman…uh uh…

Oh, and for everyone that  went after Senator Clinton for her brief cleavage moment-check out Gov. Palin on the cover of Vogue. I believe that’s cleavage and nipple.

 

And experience-well Ms. Palin graduated in 87 with a bachelor’s degree in communication-and then…no that’s all. No graduate school, no law school, a communication’s major. (And I started out as one myself, so that’s not a slam on communications major.)

This is going to be very interesting.

I like what Steve Chapman had to say…

http://newsblogs.chicagotribune.com/steve_chapman/2008/08/mccains-inexcus.html

Wishing

85,000 people filled the stadium, thousands of others were turned away because there was simply no more room. 

Times Square overflowing with people focused on the big screen. It looked liked New Year’s Eve.

Dare I exhale and hope that it really is possible? Maybe, just maybe. Maybe the past eight years will come to a resounding end on November 2nd.

I told my daughter after the speech-Never forget what you just heard.

I’m hoping she heard our next president.

Here we go again.

 

Things seem a bit slow over at the pub,( http://www.whistleandfish.com/thepub/ ) it appears the entire staff is off in Tahiti, leaving the rest of us  here with the undead and other patrons of the establishment.  Prior to abandoning the place, Harry the bartender suggested that Jim, the resident bar back, create another set of meme questions for those of us loitering about to answer. ( I guess he feels we all need to think about something other than the DNC and the upcoming RNC — neither of which can possibly match the excitement of Micheal Phelps at the Olympics).  

 

 So Jim (www.ofkingsandcarnies.com) put his nose to the grindstone and came up with five questions. Five questions that I said sound like the sort of thing one ponders with over- priced shrink while struggling with midlife angst. Nonetheless, Harry and Jim are bigger and meaner than I, so I am a participant in these web antics once more.

 Here are the five questions.

 

1. If you had unlimited time and unlimited funds, what would you like to learn and why?
2. Remember the first time your heart flitted for someone else? The first pangs of attraction? Maybe it was just giddy infatuation, who knows? But you knew something was different and you knew life was never going to be the same again. Tell me that story.
3. If you could live one short episode of your life over again — a day, week, month — which would it be? And why?
4. Somewhere in life you made an important decision, THE DECISION. A major fork on your road of Life. Tell me the story of what would have happened if you had taken the other path?
5. You’ve decided to start over. You’ve changed your identity and appearance. Who are you now?

 

 I have decided to tackle question #1 first, as it seems the least invasive if I might say so myself.( Although one would think that after spending the past year upchucking my most personal life disaster all over  these pages that nothing would be sacred anymore. )

 

I invite you all to join in and send me your answers to Jim’s Meme, either here or over at the pub. Why should I suffer alone?

 

So soon I will tackle the first question, but tonight it’s convention time. I’m hoping things will liven up a bit.  

 

Octogenarian won’t cut it.

 

I think I own every books to read before you die   book that there is. Books for girls, books for boys, the classics, the greats, the one’s someone thinks I can’t live without. If there’s a list, I have it.

I also own 1,000 Places to See Before You Die http://www.alibris.com/booksearch?title=1000+places+to+see+before+you+die 

and now this

 

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=93874490

 

I have just enough compulsive features in my personality that this sort of thing will drive me nuts. I don’t have time for this.

 I hope I live a long long time.

Best toasted over an open flame

And election year continues. 

 I said before ( http://www.tammyr2.wordpress.com/2008/06/12/dreaming ) that I’m not particularly interested in what the would-be first ladies are wearing. I’d like to say now that I’m not especially concerned about where the would-be presidents live, or how many houses either candidate owns. 

http://www.cnn.com/2008/POLITICS/08/21/race.tightens/index.html

 

 Knowing that, forgive me for turning off the latest campaign ads in disgust.

Clearly John and Cindy McCain have more money than god. They have so many homes that Senator McCain can’t even keep count. I don’t like that. First, I think if you can’t handle the little details of life (how many homes do I own?) then you might not be the best person to charge with handling the free world and all the pesky specifics that job entails. Second, clearly anyone with that amount of money is soooo out of touch with reality that I can’t expect him to know too terribly much (or care?) about the plight of the overwhelming majority of Americans struggling in our current economy.

However, Senator Obama, quick on the attack, is not exactly downtrodden. He and his wife aren’t hurting either, and while they may not be the calibre of rich-folks as the McCains, Senator Obama isn’t  ”one of us”-at least not one of me.

So here I am again and it is only August. Pleasepleaseplease will SOMEBODY talk about what matters. Really matters. Stop attacking each other like bullies on the playground. Stop pointing fingers while shouting YOU-NO YOU-NO YOU at each other.

Can we all go ahead and accept the following assumptions and therefore avoid the “attack” ad mentality that prevails thus far?

1. You’re both well off. Sadly we all have to face the reality that the only people who seem to get elected to any office anymore are wealthy, or at least very very well off and funded by the wealthy.

2. You are both taking wads of money from the wealthy in order to fund your campaigns.

3. Neither of you actually knows what a gallon of milk costs or for that matter the average back-to-school supplies hit to the pocketbook.

4. The two of you have not been forced to dine at a soup kitchen or shop at the food pantry. You have health insurance, a private doctor, clothes for your children, gas in your car(s), air conditioning, heating, shoes, socks, gloves, etc.

5. One of you is a veteran, held prisoner and tortured. Got it. That has nothing to do with your ability to do the job, unless you are planning to do it from a prisoner of war camp.

6. One of you is not a veteran. Ditto.

7. One of you is old, one is not. We’ve had young presidents and old presidents and frankly it hasn’t made too terribly much difference. (Although the Reagan alzheimers thing is disturbing)

8. You both want to restore hope, make America strong, blahblah rah rah.

9. You both will inevitably inject “race” “sex” “money”  “religion”and anything else you can in to the election process    in an attempt to manipulate the American people, avoid the issues, and dodge any discussion of true substance.

 

And that is what bothers me most.

All puffy fluff, no substance.

Like marshmallows.
Which marshmallow will we elect this time around?

A kids meal isn’t always a Happy One.

This one is important.
So I put it here and in Other Voices.

It made me cry, which is a woefully inadequate response.

http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2008/08/18/heather_ryan/index.html

From Salon:

I could segue into some political rant here, a slick dismissal of the Bush administration, perhaps, or a paragraph declaring my support for Barack Obama. But the moment I walked into the soup kitchen — the moment I acknowledged, publicly, that I could not provide food for myself or my children (which is why the soup kitchen is so much more difficult than the food bank) — is the moment that my ability to believe in the politics of this country was forever altered. I know why poor people have historically low voter-turnout rates. If you vote, you acknowledge that you believe in the system. And to believe in the system when you’re at the very bottom, when you’ve watched the chrome and ink-black SUVs drive by while you’re packing your own beater with dried beans and lentils, to believe at that point is fucking painful. You either say the system works and you’ve earned your place, or you concede that there is something wrong and there might not be any way to fix it. The entire summer of 2007, as I struggled to keep us fed, I hated thinking of politics, an unusual characteristic for me. It hurt to listen to any presidential candidate talk about the working poor, and not because they weren’t genuine, but because all their talk was just that — talk. It was like listening to my former self, the one who didn’t know how bad things could get.

Same President, more wasted oxygen

Not a good time to be an animal on this earth.

What’s left for this man to do between now and January?

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26143098

First Bootie Check

NOTE TO MY WANNA-BE OLYMPIAN DAUGHTER:

NEVER present your bottom to the leader of the free world. 

 

 

 

From MSNBC:

 

“Then May-Treanor turned her back to the president, offering her bikinied rear for one of the traditional slaps that volleyball players frequently give each other.

“Mr. President, want to?” she asked, repeating an offer she made when Bush gave a pep talk to the U.S. athletes before Friday’s opening ceremonies.

Bush smilingly gave a flick with the back of his hand to the small of her back instead.”

On Senators and raincoats

And one more thing (I promise) -

when Mr. Edwards discounted the possiblity that he fathered his lover’s child he did so by saying the timing was all wrong and the affair had clearly ended before the time o’conception.

 

Why oh why didn’t we hear I WORE A CONDOM, SO I DOUBT THAT’S MY BABY. (98% efficacy rate)

More stupid stupid stupid.

Same song, new zipper.

 

Disclaimer: I voted for John Edwards every single time he ran for anything.

So this from the news yesterday about John Edwards, the question of his extra-marital affair, and whether or not he would speak at the Democratic convention.

Don Fowler, former Democratic party chairman, told the Charlotte Observer on Wednesday, “If there is not an explanation that’s satisfactory, acceptable and meets high moral standards, the answer is ‘no,’ he would not be a prime candidate to make a major address to the convention.”

Question for Mr. Fowler: What the hell does that mean? Meets what high moral standards? His? Mine? The DNC’s? Given that our former president will be speaking at the convention and we all know where he stuck his dick, exactly how do you determine what the bar for morality is?

I am so over politics being about bedroom morality-or at least what someone calls morality. I’m beginning to doubt there’s one in the bunch that hasn’t been up to something. Gingrich is on wife number who knows, and while he was the voice of morality for the Republicans he left his wife on her death bed to take up with the woman who would become wife #2. Rudy Guiliani is on #3 or #4, McCain left #1 for much younger #2,Spitzer paid for it, what’s his name went looking  for action in a bathroom stall,  and on and on and on. It’s time that we stop making  sexual conduct/misconduct the issue.

Let’s ask the really important question:

Do any of these men have the sense god gave a dixie cup? It’s not about where the dicks been-it’s about stupidity.

If you aren’t smart enough to keep your pants pulled up when you are a public figure with the press following your every move, then you aren’t smart enough to run the country. To me it’s that simple. All ideas about adultery, monogamy, loyalty, love, everything else-forget it. It’s stupidity. If you aren’t smart enough to realize that every woman sings like a bird eventually-then you aren’t smart enough to be president. You will get caught buddy, that’s a given.

And to all the politicians, talking heads, pundits, gossip columnists, Republicans, Democrats, and the rest of us that are going to weigh in and GASP with disappointment at how horrible horrible horrible John Edwards is-just remember our time will come. It always does.  Mr. Fowler is searching for a morally acceptable answer today, and next week he’ll be the headline.

John Edwards cheated on his wife. That’s between the two of them. (Spoken as a woman who’s been down this very road…) Adultery does not preclude him from the presidency in my book, stupidity does.

But, and I know I have no right to be, I am disappointed. Again.

I will give him this, he offered the best damn “apology” I’ve heard in a long time. Not that he owes any of us one. He’s right- “egocentric and narcissistic”. That’s what it always seems to boil down to, that

and stupidity.  

Stupid stupid stupid. 

John Edwards:

“It is inadequate to say to the people who believed in me that I am sorry, as it is inadequate to say to the people who love me that I am sorry. In the course of several campaigns, I started to believe that I was special and became increasingly egocentric and narcissistic. If you want to beat me up – feel free. You cannot beat me up more than I have already beaten up myself. I have been stripped bare and will now work with everything I have to help my family and others who need my help.”

God as a blonde?

From CNN Headlines:

http://www.cnn.com/2008/US/08/07/osteen.wife.trial.ap/index.html

According to court documents, Brown says that she suffers from anxiety and hemorrhoids because of the incident involving Victoria Osteen and said her faith was affected. She is also suing Victoria Osteen for medical expenses for counseling.

I’m not going to weigh in on whether or not asking for 10% of someone’s net worth for being pushed and shoved is a tad bit suspicious. I will not argue with the fact that this woman may, in fact, now have both anxiety and hemorrhoids following the incident. (Though I’d need an M.D. to explain the latter to me)

But, to sue because her faith has been affected leaves me wondering-

FAITH IN WHOM?
Ms. Osteen or God.

And if being shoved by a televangelists’ wife affects your faith in God, I have to wonder about said faith. I think if I were God I’d be a little disappointed that one of my followers could be so easily shaken and then I’d ask-Hey what about turning the other cheek?

 

An apple a day doesn’t work

Note to Virginia governor Tim Kaine:

There is nothing “inspiring” about it. You ought to be ashamed, every governor in the country should be ashamed, our congress, our senate, our president, and each and every one of us ought to be ashamed. This in America. Health care should be a given in this country. A nation of sick people who can’t afford, or cannot access, medical care, should mortify us on a daily basis.

http://www.newsweek.com/id/150846

 

From Newsweek:  “Virginia’s governor, Tim Kaine, visited this year’s RAM expedition with five of his staff members on its first and busiest day and met patients like these as he worked the lines of people waiting for care. Later he said that he finds the event “both depressing and inspiring at the same time.” Southwest Virginia’s coal mining region lags behind much of the rest of the country and the state in health care—residents have vastly higher rates of diabetes, obesity and lung disease and lower income levels than the rest of Virginia—but Kaine says that the need for more comprehensive care goes far beyond these rural communities…”

The law of the land

Let me preface this now:

I can’t believe I’m going here, but I am. I know how you feel, and I appreciate that you will have the overwhelming need to write me, to share your  feelings with me, to share your faith, your prayers, and your passionate perspective on this. I respect you for that, but it doesn’t, in any way, change how I think on this topic. I am forty-three years old, and have thought long and hard about this. I have come to my own conclusions after years of yes, prayer, and thought and years of working with women, children, families. And yet, even with my resolve, I still struggle; but that struggle is a private one, so just know that before venturing into the comment column.

X recently needed emergency health care. He got it, on the spot. That’s the way it should be. Money matters, insurance, and access matters aside-you need a procedure, you get a procedure. Your doctor, your hospital, your clinic.

You need your gallbladder out. Done. You need a vasectomy. Done. You need a facelift, a bypass, an appendectomy, onandonandon. Done.

You need an abortion in parts of Tn, you drive at least two hours. Two hours and any additional amount of time that the various “waiting periods” require of you.

Again, I know, you say abortion and gallbladders-two different things. Yes, I know, but issues of life, when life begins, conception, religion, ethics, god aside-

LEGALLY they are the same. It is legal in the state of Tn to have your gallbladder removed. It is also LEGAL to have an abortion.  Abortion is a part of women’s health care. Right,  wrong, otherwise. It is legal and yet virtually impossible to get without a very long drive.

A health care provider is (allegedly as the papers say) planning to provide abortion services in our area. The furor has commenced and the battle lines are drawn. The rhetoric is flying “we” don’t want “that” in “our city.”   I always wonder who the “we” and the “our” are in these situations. Nobody asked me. 

“That”-a safe, legal, medical procedure.

What would happen if we required a two hour drive for other medical services?

If you are opposed to abortion, then you should continue to work to have Roe v  Wade overturned. You should do what you think is right to make this legal medical procedure become an illegal one once more.

But in the meantime, abortion is legal. It should be safe and legal. It should be accessible.

It is not right to withold legal medical treatment based on “community standards” or “morality”.

I agree with Keri Adams, v.p. of community affairs for Planned Parenthood of Middle and East Tennessee:

“Continuing to impede (women’s) access does not reduce the number of abortions; it just makes it harder for them to access a legal and safe procedure. We believe that abortion is a legitimate part of women’s health care and outlawing it…does absolutely nothing to help us prevent unplanned pregnancy, which is the cause of abortion.”

Pro-life, pro-choice, anti-abortion, pick your label.

But regardless of how you or I feel or how “we” feel about “that” in “our” city-

it’s a legal medical procedure.

LEGAL.
So step out of the way.

A catchy little ditty

So the children were singing

He’s a semi-aquatic egg-laying mammal of action.

Over and over and over again.

Now I can’t get it out of my head.

Damn you Perry The Platypus.

I warn you-it will get stuck in your head…) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wjrzUSkJFE

Weighing the blame

Maybe it’s the neighborhood I live in.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25890997/

Maybe it’s the neighborhood others live in.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25896233/

Or maybe just maybe I should get off the couch and go for a walk, or a swim, or something.Or maybe just maybe my fondness for oreos has caught up with me.

 

Two stories, one news site, one day. Tomorrow there will be another story and another. This nation is obsessed with figuring out why we are fat. Why our kids are fat. Why some states are fatter than others. (Poor Mississippi) http://calorielab.com/news/2008/07/02/fattest-states-2008/

 Why why why.

When we all really  know why.

Don’t we?

And do we really believe that a moratorium on fast food restaurants is the answer?

If I don’t drive-thru and talk into the speaker I can’t eat the food and then I can’t get fat.

Don’t ban the restaurant

TAKE AWAY MY CAR KEYS.

For some reason this just bugged me today.

Maybe ice cream would make me feel better…

Harry’s Place

Not one to reinvent the wheel, I will tell you that Jim, over at ofkingsandcarnies, said it best with his entry  High Muckety-Muck.  (http://ofkingsandcarnies.com/2008/07/23/high-muckety-muck/) I share his sentiments-I’m not a joiner, and particularly not a cyber joiner.

That said, I too have joined in the conversation over at the Whistleandfish pub ( http://www.whistleandfish.com/thepub/). Harry serves up some mean conversation, such that I can put aside all my own skepticism and general confusion about this whole web world thing and interacting with complete strangers.

So I invite you to come on over and find a seat at the bar. No doubt you will have something to add to the conversation. I’ll be the one sitting in the corner reading a good book drinking something pink and fruity.

Where’s Lou when we need him?

As I’ve said here before my childhood ambition was to be Lou Grant. Now Lou, I understand, is a cultural reference that only those of us of a certain age will understand; for everyone else I can’t even imagine a suitable modern day equivalent, and that’s the problem. When I was six I knew what I wanted to be- a reporter. Partially because of my love of words and the assumption that the only people who got to write were reporters, but also because I was coming of age in an era when being a  journalist meant something.

During the Watergate years I was young and unaware of the world around me.  I had no idea of what was going on in the seat of power of our nation or the role that the press, and specifically the print media, played in bringing about one of the most historic moments in the life of our government. I grew up post-Watergate and learned in history class and at the movies what happened-or at least as much as we could know happened. I am the generation that wondered if we’d ever learn the identity of Deep Throat and what was said during the missing moments on tape. I am also of the age that believed in the importance of knowing (and our  right to)  the answers to such questions, and I wanted to be a part of it all.

Well my journalistic ambitions were killed early on in my college career at the hands of a professor who suggested that I take my tendencies to wax poetic over to the English department. Looking back, I think he was wrong, but that’s a tale for another time.  I didn’t take on the task of pursuing truth and accountability, and sadly it seems that no one has anymore.

In our review of this mornings’ headlines he pointed me to this story at Salon about the goings on in the Bush administration. I offer it up as required reading for anyone who wants to know, or doesn’t want to but should.

“If we know this much about torture, rendition, secret prisons and warrantless wiretapping despite the administration’s attempts to stonewall, then imagine what we don’t know,” says a senior Democratic congressional aide who is familiar with the proposal and has been involved in several high-profile congressional investigations.

“You have to go back to the McCarthy era to find this level of abuse,” says Barry Steinhardt, the director of the Program on Technology and Liberty for the American Civil Liberties Union. “Because the Bush administration has been so opaque, we don’t know [the extent of] what laws have been violated.”

http://www.salon.com/news/feature/2008/07/23/new_churchcomm/index.html

For many the anger and outrage they feel learning about yet another potential abuse of power is directed at team Bush/Cheney. Not mine. I hold my party and its’ leadership (like “no comment” Nancy P. ) responsible and I also hold those who call themselves journalists/reporters so also. The tradition of a media that holds the government accountable is dead. How can it be that we get trickles of information and dribbles of insight but no one is truly going after the whole story? Or it they are, why aren’t they writing about it? If we can’t look to our press to inform us, what hope is there that we can demand accountability from our elected officials? How can it be that the current administration is getting away with abuses of power that make the Nixon gang look like preschool playground bullies and no one seems to care? Why isn’t anyone asking the questions? Demanding the answers? Acting like LOU.

Lou would have gotten to the bottom of all this in a one hour episode. Lou would have raged indignant at the thought that someone was trying to get away with trampling on the  Constitution, commiting acts of torture, or eavesdropping on private conversations. Lou would have made sure that we the people knew what was going on and how it mattered. Lou would not care one whit about Britney’s custody dispute, the pregnant “man”,  or Brangelina’s new twins.

Sigh.

At least there’s TVLand, I think Lou shows up there occasionally.

She knows how to pick’em

 

Before the ink was dry on the divorce papers the most frequently asked question in my stratosphere became What are you looking for in a man?”  As if emerging from the experience of adultery, divorce, and general brutality made me eager to run right out and try another round in  that arena, sure just call me a fool…

I still hear the question, though less often now, given that those around me know I’m not looking, I like being alone,  and I’ve somehow managed to stumble across some pretty wonderful while not paying attention. However, in the event I should ever need to answer that question again, I like this perspective on things.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/personal/07/09/o.men.i.could.love/index.html

I must agree with her on the Tutu/Cronkite front, and though my ob-gyn deserves all the same apologies, he’s really not my type-and he’s a very married father of a gazillion children. So in his stead I’ll substitute the ever present number one on my list Christopher Plummer. Oh sure he’s aged and he’s about 80 at this point, but he can still belt out Edelweiss, and that gets me everytime.

The eyes have it.

While checking out of the ob-gyn office during my pregnancy with baby girl #2 I noticed that my chart had the following written on the front in bold red letters: A.M.A.

I, thinking it stood for Against Medical Advice (a common thing to see on a chart) inquired as I had, to the best of my knowledge, done nothing  AMA.

No, laughed young perky nurse. That stands for Advanced Maternal Age.

WHAT????

At the ripe old age of 36 I was Advanced.

That was the beginning of the down hill slide.

First my ob-gyn started using the expression at your age as the lead in to every sentence out of his mouth;
then the eye doctor explained that after forty my eyesight would continue to decline sometimes quite rapidly.

Hell no, I thought.

So when he indicated at my last appointment that I was in need of bifocals I resisted. I don’t know why, I’m not an especially vain person. Perhaps I thought he was  wrong, or that I had some sort of superpowers that would prevent my eyes from falling apart like a cheap suit. Or, that I would become one of those people wearing glasses on a chain around my neck.  Nonetheless, almost like clockwork, I began to notice that my vision was growing worse by the moment.  At the time X laughed, but then it hit him too. Presbyopia, as it’s called, resulted in all sorts of problems-even standing in a close embrace was unpleasant-nothing like a blurry partner (Of course by that time there wasn’t a whole lot of that going on) .

It has continued, and for someone who reads constantly, it became a giant problem. So I gave in and cried uncle. I bought reading glasses. Humbly, I must admit, the doc was right. Life was good and I could see, except for one thing. When I was in bed reading, the glasses were downstairs. When I was away from home needing to read the glasses were by the bed. The glasses were never in the same location as the eyeballs.

Suddenly the chain around the neck option was beginning to make sense. But I resisted. Somehow I equated that fashion feature with knee hi-hose worn with sensible shoes. In order to avoid neckware, or the perpetually perched upon my head look, I decided to buy in bulk.

Today, I bought three additional pairs of reading glasses.  Upstairs pair, downstairs pair, in my bag pair, and at the office pair. Four total. That should be enough (I hope).

Next week it’s back to the orthodontist who will inevitably say something about my teeth that begins with

At your age…

Read more about AGE RELATED eye problems and then give in and go buy the cheap reading glasses at Walgreens.

http://www.allaboutvision.com/conditions/presbyopia.htm

Have wheels can travel.

My baby just learned to ride a bicycle.

I guess (at seven)  she’s a couple years behind the national average on this one, but there’s only so much screeching and sobbing I can take. So, we waited until she was ready.

Today after a few false starts she was off. She is now a pro at riding in a straight line. She can’t turn around without stopping, picking up the bike and pointing it in the new direction. Her big sister yelled across the lawn-TURN AROUND WITH THE HANDLE BARS! YOU CAN’T ALWAYS GO IN A STRAIGHT LINE!

How true, I thought.

Sometimes I feel like I’m coasting through life down the hill with my arms thrown up in the air and other times  pedaling very hard just to get around the next bend. Occasionally it seems as if I am  going round and round in circles, turning  only to end up back where I started.  Dizzying yes, but necessary.

For the most part  I’m very good at turning around in life, but occasionally I too have to get off , pick it up, turn it around, and then point myself in a new direction.

And then there are the times when I fall off.

Today my baby fell off a few times. She didn’t wail as much as during the last attempt at riding. She’s growing up.

So’s her mother. I take the falls much better these days.

But I did cry today. After all, that’s my baby pedaling off into the sunset.

Climb Every Mountain ( or in my case hill)

A friend of mine called today  to check in and to discuss upcoming vacation plans. I’m still pondering what to do with myself when the girls and X head off for another summer adventure. I’ve decided that given the state of the dollar worldwide (and in my own wallet)  I will wait to see what last-minute deals crop up and then head off-maybe it will be Tahiti or  perhaps Topeka just as long as it’s new to me and cheap.

So she began to tell me about her planned hike with a group of friends this fall and without even thinking I invited myself. PLEASE!   She didn’t hesitate to squeal a nice loud YES! before commenting  with surprise on my interest to participate. For you see, in the circle-of-mutual-friends department, everyone knows that X loved to hike and was known to take off with friends at least once a year  (Once on our tenth wedding anniversary….) but the unknown detail is that I like to hike myself.

Why is that unknown? A lifetime of hearing X say you wouldn’t like too… not because I, in fact, wouldn’t have liked to, but rather guess who didn’t want me along? Not that I am blameless. It takes two to tango and two to agree to the roles of family life.

So I am excited. Late fall will be here soon. I  have already  ordered a new pair of hiking boots so I can break them in with time to spare.

My girlfriend asks- how’s life?

I’m going hiking with you-that answers that doesn’t it?

Yee.

But what do I know?

My first niece was born just months before X and I married. Now, in the blink of an eye, she is a beautiful young lady graduating from high school and preparing to head off to college. I, like all relatives of graduates this time of year, find myself wondering how did this happen? How did I miss the transformation that took place right before my very eyes- from the chubby faced doll of a toddler to knock-out , funny, smart, adult?  My friend Lori’s son sent me the invitation to his graduation, complete with a copy of his senior portrait. Wait one minute! When did her mop head mischievious little one become a handsome man? Is this the same boy that’s  refused to bathe using soap for most of the time I’ ve known him? I feel sooooo old lately.

I  recently attended my niece’s graduation  and listened as the speaker offered his words of advice to the graduates. I disagreed with virtually everything that came out of his mouth beginning with his statement  I don’t believe in global warming…and ending with try not to be relevant but it was his speech to give not mine.  It took a great deal of restraint on my part not to jump up and scream WAIT DON’T LISTEN TO THE MAN AT THE PULPIT, but I didn’t, as I hope I am well mannered if nothing else.  So I let him make his speech and spent the rest of the evening talking with my baby sister and her husband with the three of us echoing the sentiment Can you believe he said….over and over and over. I thought out loud-I’m glad my girls weren’t there to hear that. 

I know that the speaker’s thoughts were a clear reflection of those of my brother and his family, including my niece the graduate, and I respect that. I am not one to tolerate other people telling my children what’s what, so I would never do that with another’s. But if I could, if it were within my purview to take my  niece aside, I  know exactly what I would like to say, and yet  know not at all. What can you possibly tell an 18 year old that will prepare her for what lies ahead?

My dear niece the graduate, I would offer, I am 43 and I know nothing.  Bupkiss, na-da. I wake each day and hope that I will figure out what I want to be when I grow up, how to be it, and how to not screw up my girls along the way. I wake up each day and I am happy about so much that I have done and mortified about the rest. In all honesty, I’ve done a pretty good job at life, but I am no more equipped to give you advice than any of the other adults around you. We all like to think we’ve got it together and figured out, but trust me, we don’t. But that, my dear, is okay .

Everyone close to you has offered you words of wisdom lately, so why not let your old aunt throw in a thought or two. I will avoid cliches as best I can, along with anything having to do with God, Jesus, or organized religion. You get enough of that at home.

Here’s what I would like you to remember as you go out into the world. File it away for future pondering, but put no real weight to it, it’s worth no more than the time it will take you to read this. (Not that my niece reads this blog)

-Have fun. Really truly. Laugh as much as possible. Surround yourself with people who laugh. Look for ways to celebrate, find joy, and be with people who make your cheeks hurt because you smile so much around them. Life is short spend it with those who make you laugh so you feel like you are going to wet your pants and blow snot from your nose.

-Surround yourself with people who are different than you. Don’t be afraid of differences-religion, politics, taste in food-music-art-sleeping habits-whatever. Learn learn learn from everyone around you. Take it all in and help it mold you into who you want to be. Then, keep changing and molding . 

-You do not have to decide what you want to do with yourself at the age of 18. Forget what you want to do when you graduate. Forget picking a major so that you can land a job. Study something because you want to study it for the next four years, then you can worry about a job/career later. I highly recommend changing jobs/careers/lifes regularly, so why lock in now? What you love today does not have to be what you love forever. How boring would that be?

-Date. A lot. Date men or women that you think would make perfect mates. Date men or women that you think would be the  worst and the best one on earth for you. Date the same, date differently date date date. That’s how you figure out who you are and who you like and who makes you laugh and who makes you want to pull your hair out. Date until you are sooooo old that magazine articles tell you your odds of meeting a mate are less than those of being mugged on the moon.  Then don’t date. Be alone. Alone time, quiet time, do what you want without answering to or consulting with anyone time. Find out who you are all on your own and then let yourself find someone who likes that person. And, this spoken by a woman who was very happily married for a long time - YOU DON’T HAVE TO GET MARRIED.

-Sex. Have it. Forget abstinence ’til marriage. (See dating logic.) Have sex but only with men/women who volunteer to buy the condoms. Any partner  that refuses should be left at the curb without a second thought. Have sex, but only with a partner who makes you orgasm every time-or at least makes it a goal. Be selfish. Don’t settle until it is someone you crave, and craves you in return. And remember, teenage boys don’t know what they are doing, so do not feel obliged to roll around in the back seat with every pimply faced frat boy just so he can get off. Learn what you like and don’t like. There is nothing to be embarassed about. Talk about it, read about it, do it. But again CONDOMS ARE NON-NEGOTIABLE.  

-Read a lot. The good stuff, the junk and everything in between.

-Never stop learning. Formal education and informal education. Curiousity. Exploration. Discovery. These are good things.

-Travel and never stop. See the world that is out there. Don’t return “home” until you are so old you can’t remember where home is without help.

-Trust yourself. Don’t let me or anyone else tell you how to live your life.

-Give to others. Of yourself, your time, your money, your talents.

-Take the high road. Be kind. Remember you manners. Never ever jump in the gutter with anyone.  You can never go wrong being gracious and kind. However, never, and I mean never, let someone walk on you. Smile politely, show him/her the door, and move on.

-Ask for help. Ask questions. Never be afraid of what another will think of you. It’s the only way to learn and discover. Ignorance is not bliss.

-Cry. It’s okay. Feel what you feel, embrace it, then heal. Sorrow, pain, grief are all part of life.

-Take care of your body. You are young and healthy now, you won’t stay that way by happenstance.

-Love big.

-Opt for the joy.

-If your gut says “no”- go with that.

-It is always okay to say no.

-It is always okay to change your mind.

-Surround yourself with art and music and good food.

-Surround yourself with people who you respect. There is truth to the adage-you are judged by the company you keep.

-Money does not buy happiness. Save it, spend it, enjoy it, give it away-but don’t covet it , worship it, or live for it.

-Always opt for the comfortable shoes, although a pair of really sexy pumps is a great investment.

-Don’t take yourself or life too seriously. Have I mentioned laughter? If you aren’t hearing it regularly in your day, stop-something is wrong. Start that day over again.

-Listen. If you are hearing your voice the most in a conversation-shhhhh.

-Brush your teeth.

-Wear your seatbelt.

-Never drink and drive or phone and drive or anything and drive.

-When in doubt-go with the black dress.

-The family you choose often means more to you than the family you were born with and that’s okay.

-The family you were born with, especially that of your aunt, will always be here for you. You can always go home, without shame, fear, worry, it’s the one place you will find love and acceptance and help.

I  love you baby girl, and remember, I’m the aunt that knows nothing.

Twenty questions give or take a few.

I woke to e-mail, adding to my continued shock that anyone other than my baby sister reads this space. You have questions I have answers, and I can’t believe I forgot to say so earlier.

1. How is X?

X is fine. Thankfully and thanks to the marvels of modern medicine. Should be up and about in only one day.

2. How did you know she was the new girlfriend?

Well as you can imagine I was not introduced to her by anyone in the room (not enough manners to go around I guess) so I had to introduce myself-much later in the day. However I knew she was the girlfriend instantly. Remember, I was married to this man forever, if I can’t recognize a look on his face then no one can. I knew when he looked at her and vice versa. One of the looks said OH GOD THE EX IS IN THE ROOM HOW AWKWARD IS THIS? but it wasn’t awkward at all, no one needed to worry. I am not the wicked witch of the west ex some would like to think me. My vow to be gracious and never ever step in the gutter still holds true. The other look-from her-WHY WON”T THESE PEOPLE GO AWAY AND LEAVE US ALONE? I could have answered that one for her-but they’re his friends  not mine and she will discover things on her own. Some of them are her friends too, so that indicates they are probably a good match. But I honestly felt bad for her, and the both of them. They needed time alone and frankly someone needed to start paying attention to HIPAA laws. The information that was flowing out of that room was shocking.

3.  What did you think of girlfriend?

Frankly I didn’t give her much thought. By the time you’ve been on very intimate terms with girlfriend number one and two and dealt with the aftermath of number three, you don’t think about them anymore. She seems nice enough-essentially an exact replica of chickie only she’s about 15 years older. That pleases me-the likelihood she wants to (or is able to) reproduce with  him  is dramatically reduced by her age (sorry, that ’s me caretaking and worrying again and I believe also puts me in the gutter.)

4.  How are your children?

Great thank you.  Having a parent in the hospital is scary no doubt, but attention from favorite family members  and a day at the  swimming pool distracted them long enough until we could say-everything is fine (again, thanks to the marvels of medicine.)

 

 

Now, I am already over the topic of X (how quickly-perhaps another first)

so here’s something I saw in the news today that I found funny for some odd reason. Remember I am a Girl Scout through and through so shame shame shame on anyone who would make anything other than S’mores at a Girl Scout Camp.

http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2008/07/16/national/main4264813.shtml?source=mostpop_story

Matters of the heart

It’s been said that the divorce process involves a lot of “firsts” and that everyone has to get through them in one way or the other. So true.

Yes, this post is about X or me, not sure which. I have a lot I’m working through in my head, so bear with me on this return to such a  very old topic.

The end of my marriage happened over time and some of the firsts occured before we were even divorced. Most people say the biggest and most difficult hurdle is when the ex finds  a new love. Well,  X had three before the divorce was final, so I was pretty comfortable with the knowledge that I was easily replaced. That’s not saying it was fun mind you, but I got past that one very quickly.

Some firsts happen gradually, gently, and often catch you by surprise

-The first time you realize you don’t think about him anymore. 

-The first time you realize you don’t love him anymore.

-The first time you realize you might not even like him anymore.

-The first time you realize you are happy again.

-The first time you realize you can love someone else.

 

So I have, sometimes to my own surprise, navigated the firsts and felt pretty confident that I had made it through the marriage/divorce phase of life and could just get on with life.

Until today. Today I learned that some firsts smack you between the eyes.

At three a.m. this morning X called to tell me that he was on his way to the hospital via ambulance-heart episode. They needed to do a cardiac cath and see what was up with his ticker. So off I went to the hospital, not out of any sense of love for him personally, but rather a concern that the father of my children could die on the table and that someone who once meant a great deal to me might be alone at a very difficult time.

Well he wasn’t alone. (Here’s where the next first comes in.)

Everyone was there. By everyone I mean all the employees whom he calls his friends-all the ones who have been  stabbing him in the back for years, bad mouthing him, and torturing me. All the ones that are deserving of Academy Awards for Best Performance By  Actresses pretending to be friends all the while up to no good in the hallway.  But I was okay with that, until the phone rang and it was the worst of the group calling to check on him. The one person that he had said he was through with. The one person of whom he assured me he had seen the true colors and would stay away from. The one person who has been nothing but evil. (No not the chickie, hell she’d be preferable to this “friend”)

I heard her name and that’s when it hit me(again).  He is truly not the man I married. He is truly not the man I had hoped he was or one I even recognize and my time as his protector is over. (Yes, it should have been over long ago, but the sentiment has lingered somewhat despite our ups and downs). I have taken care of this man for 21 years, and even in our very worst moments of the divorce and post-divorce I have continued to do so (sometimes without his even knowing). Even after he screamed at me to stop, to leave him be, to know that he didn’t need me to help him/save him/ protect him anymore ever again. 

But today I experienced another first-the first that says he’s the ex, I’m the ex, and he can have his life and I don’t have to be a part of it. He has truly chosen these people as his friends. He has decided they are the ones he can trust, even in the face of all evidence to the contrary. He has decided that these people are the ones with whom he wants to surround himself and have his reputation associated.  And you know what-I sat there and thought-

Fine. He’s a grown man, he can pick his friends, live his life, and suffer any consequences-and it is no longer my concern.  That was a biggie.

The silver lining-the realization that this means my children and I don’t have to have them in our life anymore. THAT IS HIS LIFE NOT MINE.

Someone important to me said you have got to start acting like exes, and you must cut the umbilical cord. He’s not yours to worry about anymore.

True, yet difficult.

The first-realizing he is just the father of my children. Not a friend, not a spouse, not someone I want in my orbit.

Why does that make me sad?
Because I fear it means I  made a mistake all those years ago.

Because I fear what that means for my girls.

Because he doesn’t realize he deserves better.

Because maybe he doesn’t.

So I left the hospital and let X know I wouldn’t be back unless he called to ask for me-that I would leave him with his friends. I left the hospital after meeting his new girlfriend and making sure that she would be there for him so he wouldn’t be alone tonight.

I left him to take care of himself.

That’s a first.

Bang Bang my flight was delayed.

Due in part to a number of airport delays the girls did not return home until the wee hours of the morning.  They crept to bed barely able to mutter goodnight mom. However  this morning I was regaled with delightful tales of their vacation and presented with a sweet souvenir. Now we are back to the usual routine but dragging somewhat.  A little more sleep and all will be well.

In my tired and thus my brain is in slow motion state I am unable to comment on this article and the governor of my fair state with anything more than a moan and a whimper. My little ones were walking through this very airport yesterday and thankfully were spared  carnage wrought by a gun toting nutcase or a traveler with lost luggage and a good dose of airport rage.

My caveat: I didn’t vote for Sonny, but I’d vote for Shirley if I could.

 

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/25680821/

The sounds of silence

It turns out- not so jealous after all.

Okay, not jealous of ex and his time with the girls, more jealous of the girls. I wish I was there in NYC!

They  had a wonderful time, as evidenced by their texts and calls and photos sent to my phone; and I am truly happy. The three of them needed this time together, fun time, forget all about the past two years time.  And not only are they having a good time, they are ( of course) safe and sound. Thus far no disasters, no fireball airplanes, no getting lost in a crowd or any other mommy nightmare. 

So they will return tonight and I am glad. While I have enjoyed the silence of being alone (go ahead mommies, dream with me SILENCE) and the clean house that comes from having no one about to make a mess, and the opportunity to eat poptarts for dinner, I am still ready for their homecoming.

I must say, and forgive me for the crassness of this, but there is one perk to divorce-alone time. Quiet time. Time to go and do and be all by myself. Or, with someone else.

But now after a week of fun the clean house and the poptarts are getting old. Time for some bickering and poking and she-hit-me-stay-out-of-my-room screaming and especially sleepy faces that greet me with

Good morning mommy.

The first of many

My children are away on their first vacation with daddy post-divorce.
Without me. I’m not with them. I am not there. I am here.

Here,  plagued with fear-

will they get lost in a crowd and never be seen again?

will something happen to my ex leaving my young children alone in a big city?

will the plane crash? the city explode? or some other act of god occur while they are away?

As if my presence could prevent those things from happening…

And jealous…

Ex gets to experience this wonderful week with them, and I don’t.

 This is a whole new world for me.

In our own little world

 

From the current Utne Reader in a series of articles on Creativity and Education.

…Kids are not playing like they used to. By “free and unstructured play,” he means activity that is unencumbered by adult direction and does not depend on manufactured items or rules imposed by someone other than the kids themselves. He is referring to the kind of play that is not dependent on meddling or praise or validation from well-meaning parents on the sidelines. In fact, free and unstructured play is so encompassing for children that the entire adult world evaporates; children lose themselves in their own world completely. Most anyone who’s ever jolted a child out of this state with a call for lunch or bedtime would attest that the child’s reaction is akin to being awakened from a dream.

http://www.utne.com/2008-07-01/Politics/The-Future-of-Creativity.aspx

 

I remember that kind of play-losing myself in another world, talking to myself and others who weren’t “really” there. That was bliss and nothing disheartened  me more than when the adults around me would ask “who are you talking to Tammy?”

Now, when I hear my little one lost in that same world, I tip-toe quietly by careful not to interrupt. For you see, I know to whom she’s speaking-

some of the most interesting people she’ll ever know-and the most fun.

 

 

Here’s the church here’s the steeple

It has been said that in “polite society” one does not discuss 1. sex 2. politics 3. religion. I hold that true for me and my family at the Thanksgiving dinner table as I age and find myself moving ever increasingly to the left while others move with equal haste toward the right-if labels like “left” and “right” really mean anything at all these days.

It is especially true as I find that with the experience of years, and hopefully increased wisdom, my outlook on things is less rigid, more fluid and malleable, as I learn that I don’t know everything, I won’t know everything, and that the real truths lie in the gray matter. And that gray matter holds most true for matters of religion and faith.

I grew up Baptist, Southern Baptist. Not in a family of church goers, but as a teen I became one-devout. If the church doors were open you’d find me there. I believed fervently in the red-letter Christianity complete with grape juice Lord’s supper, a micro-managing God, and the one and only way to heaven.  Then, one day I truly believed that I was ‘called’ so to speak to preach, or to serve, or to do something “for God.” Deep in my heart I believed that this is what I have to do ; and with the enthusiasm borne of a teenager with a mission I discussed this new found calling with my minister.

SLAM.

(That’s the sound of the door closing on my calling)

God, it seems according to minister man, might be calling me to missions, he might be calling me to service, but he was not, NOT with a capital N calling me to preach.

So, keep that in mind young lady and go forth.

And why, I dared to ask, might that be ?

You are not a man.

At that point I crept quietly back to the pew and began to listen, really listen to what was being spoken from the pulpit and how. (Lots of yelling) That was the beginning of the end.

I couldn’t belong to a church that judged me based on my lack of a penis, my heart just wasn’t in it anymore. So I wandered for years trying a little bit of everything. I explored it all: Methodist, Lutheran, Quakers (I couldn’t sit quietly enough for that one), Judaism, atheists, agnostics, tree-huggers, Buddhists, and on and on. I settled on Anglican, or here in America Episcopalian.

I love the Anglican church. I like a church that lets me use my mind and  doesn’t require me to check my brain at the door. I like a church that makes it okay to ask questions, doubt, and wonder. I like that I am allowed to think  and search for  answers in lots of different places. I like a church that counts among its’ ordained John Shelby Spong-a man who made it possible for me to belong to a church long after I had despaired of ever being able to do so again.   I like a church that’s not ashamed to say-hey we don’t know all the answers and that’s what faith is all about. It’s not about the red letters it’s about thinking and growing and learning and seeking. And I really like a church that says not only do we not know all the answers-but we might be wrong.

Or at least, that’s what it says sometimes.

Then  the fighting commences between  the Anglicans world- wide and the Episcopalians here at home, and I get discouraged. Women, homosexuals, the rich, the poor, and on and on and on the arguments rage and I get really really disenchanted once more.

Why do things have to be so absolute? Why do we have to insist that some one of us  knows all the answers? Why do we worry about who has a penis or doesn’t or who they love or don’t love?  Why can’t we  say

Find a way to God-any way to God.

And then, why can’t we say if you pick Jesus as your way then pay attention to what we think he said-you know-those “red letter” things.

Like take care of the poor take care of the poor take care of the poor; make peace make peace make peace;  and then a few other things but basically take care of the poor and my favorite, Judge not…
I don’t recall Jesus saying

-argue about who has a penis or not

-argue about who sleeps with whom

-make a mockery of everything that I taught during my brief stint here.

If I choose to call myself a Christian, if I choose to believe in Jesus-then I should believe in his teachings as best we know them (and I’m not sure that we can ever really know them -thanks to King James and his ruthless slaughter of the Bible and the original texts) and I’m sorry but I don’t think Jesus taught that having ovaries precludes me from service any more than whom I choose to love-be it male or female.

And so, I find myself demoralized once more as the Anglicans convene to fight-about sex-gender and sex that is. I find myself at a loss for how to remain a part of a so-called “body of Christ” when the body is bickering and fighting and demeaning one another while all around the world

people are dying and hungry and cold and lonely and sick and afraid.

For some reason I think that if we could ask  Jesus  the question “what would Jesus do?”  he’d scream out in despair

ANYTHING BUT THIS.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/08/world/europe/08anglican.html

A meme with some ice cream on the side

Today I shall finish and say be gone meme ! Thank you very much jim and g.k. (www.ofkingsandcarnies.com and www.whistleandfish.com) for getting me into this, although I still don’t have five people to whom I can pass the questions along.

However, before I commence with ten years ago today I’ll tell you what I was doing twenty-eight years ago: staring at Pam’s learner’s license. Okay, her birthday is in October, so we probably weren’t there  just yet , but she was driving, my best friend, and while we thought that would be the key to our f reedom we discovered it was simply the key to having to drive to the store to get milk for her mom. Yesterday I received an e-mail from Pam, her son, the BABY Dan, has just gotten his license.  I’m counting the wrinkles as we speak.  I will not wax nostalgic at this point. I will not talk about how I remember when Dan was born, and he was Daniel back then. Nor will I of how distincly I remember his mother being sixteen. No none of that.

Twelve years ago today I was on the phone. (Here’s where I get nostalgic) My baby sister was in labor with her son. I had just had my first child,  four months earlier and we were celebrating her first 4th of July all the while packing  our possessions in preparation for a cross country move the next day.  So my nephew took all day and into the next to arrive, which meant I spent my 4th yelling into the phone over the sound of fireworks WELL ANY NEWS? It was the longest day, sort of like when Dan was born and I kept calling long distance every five minutes to say WELL ANY NEWS? I guess I expected  those boys to arrive in five minutes or less. So this weekend is happy birthday for my nephew, who is growing up entirely too quickly for my taste, but isn’t that always the case with children? I’m finding everytime I blink my girls age a little more and need me a little less.

Which brings me to to the meme—ten years ago I was… a somewhat unhappy new mommy. Looking back I’m not sure what the problem was, one of my best friends still maintains post-partum depression, but I don’t know. I was alone having moved from a big city with lots of friends to a tiny town in the middle of nowhere where I knew no one. My ex was working a lot, struggling to establish himself, and I was lonely. The family that I had planned to be closer to was still  hours away, so it might as well have been the fourteen from pre-move. And I was tired, no doubt very sleep deprived.  Two years into motherhood and I was still doing everything wrong when it came to bedtime for baby, because you see, there wasn’t one.

We didn’t know any better so we let her stay up until she fell over asleep (literally). Tip to new moms: Don’t do this. We averaged an eleven thirty bedtime those days. Then,  we would place her ever so gently in the crib and tip-toe away, breathing quietly for fear she could hear us through the baby monitor.  Inevitably she would wake and off I would go to (here’s something else we did wrong) rock her back to sleep. Yes baby number one couldn’t fall asleep unless she was being held. Big Big Big mistake.  Finally, tired of living life feeling like a zombie all the day long I decided it was time to leave the  crib and move to a big bed. (Now we did do one thing right-we never let her sleep in our bed, even though that would have made things much easier for the short term. ) So we took an extra-queen sized mattress we had and put it on the floor. Ta-da! sleeping problem solved-sort of. When she cried I would sleep with her. No need to sit in the rocker, just crawl in bed  and we could both get a  good night of  sleep. That was an excellent solution until pre-school time when she needed to go to bed on her own at a specific bedtime and then we were back to square one. The how -to- get- a -child -to- sleep -and- how -long -do- you- let- them -scream debate commenced.

Ten years ago I was trying to sleep, worrying that my child would be the first in history to die of sleep deprivation, or that I would be the first mother to do so. Neither happened incidentally. I am proud to report that now my beautiful twelve year old sleeps just fine, but she still gets tucked in and kissed-I will hold on to that tradition for as long as I can.

The one universal thing about parenting is that it is over in an instant. One moment my nephew is making a star-spangled entrance into the world, the next he and my daughter are e-mailing one another I-Tune recommendations and talking about jr. high school. My baby girl is not a baby but seven and playing dress up and planning her future as an ice cream parlor owner/actress/artist. (She has offered me a job in the ice cream parlor so I am set for retirement.) Ten years ago I was so afraid that I would screw up my child  for life and ten years later I still am. They grow up so fast we say, and yet the fear never goes away. I might not be worried about choking hazards or falling down the stairs but I still find plenty to think about late at night. Some days my parenting motto is simply don’t worry I’ll pay for your therapy someday. It’s the best I can do.

Ten years ago I was a new mommy and not-so-happy. Now I’m a not so new mommy and very very happy. The toddler with the big cheeks is turning into a lovely young lady with an equally delightful sister following along behind her. I’ve moved away from the small town and left it and the people for ex to have, and my family is closer and there when I need them, and sometimes when I don’t want to need them. I feel more like myself, whoever that may be, than I have in more years than I can count.

Twenty-eight years ago, twelve years ago, ten years ago-I don’t think about that so much anymore. I think about now and try to stay focused, because I know if I blink, it’s all over.

And I’ll be working in an ice cream parlor.

Toss another one on the fire

 

 If it’s been banned I’ve read it. If it hasn’t, I ‘ve read it, or I’m determined to do so before I die. I think that the one great thing that distinguishes man from beast is the ability to enjoy a good book.  I’d  rather read than do just about anything on earth. I have fun with books, I escape with books, I learn from books, and that is what I want for my girls. I want them to discover the world between the pages of great literature, bad stories, trashy novels, and everything in between. I want them to learn to find books that they return to throughout their lives and others that they quickly toss in the donation bin. I want them to read what their friends recommend, I recommend, and even what teachers recommend and what their teachers require of them. 

I want my children to read read read and only two people get to weigh in on what they read. Mom. Dad. As their parents we get to say yeah or nay and no one else.  Just as I  would never presume to control what someone else’s child is reading  other’s should stay out of my daughter’s bookshelves (and believe me, if I had control there’d be a lot less teen -romance-isn’t -he- just -dreamy in the hands of seventh grade girls ).

So that’s my disclaimer: Don’t censor my children.

Okay, in all honesty, the disclaimer is I don’t like censorship at all. Period.   I don’t like people who  think they know what is best for my kid or your kid or anyone else’s kid. I don’t like when people who have a little authority decide to legislate morality. I don’t like people telling me what’s “appropriate” when their idea of such  is keeping children stupid, promoting group think, and suspending a t